#that may partly be because i knew i had to post the story before i could talk about it

[fictionadventurer]

The eternal struggle between wanting to talk to you all about my story ideas and knowing that if I don't keep this totally to myself I will never get it written.

[kaybreezy3000]

You never know what kind of trouble you might find if you put yourself out there and speak your mind, and tonight, that kind of trouble is Five Hargreeves.

~Set post season three. (the 6-ish years later thing) Five is older, but still struggling with life and you happen to find yourself at a party with him.

~Title note: The saying 'keeping it under your hat' simply means, think it but don’t say it.

(9827 words)

~Rated Mature for sexual themes, but it's still full of other fun too so you can skip that part and pop back in at the end if you aren't into it.~ Warning for the full rated E/dirty stuff is marked with a ⚠️ then you can come back in after the next ⚠️

Warnings: explicit sexual content, rough sex, spanking, daddy kink, super mild humiliation play, and Five pretty much being the quirky, sweet, and sexy guy I like to think he is under that hat.

Under Your Hat

The living room of the apartment was packed with people, and you didn’t know most of them. If not for Lila and Diego insisting that you had to attend their baby reveal party, you would have been at home with your nose in a book.

You had become good friends with the couple since you had first met them, and it wasn’t that you didn’t want to be there. The problem was you had always been more of a wall-flower type and not one who thrived in loud crowds.

Feeling out of place and seeing your chance, you politely excused yourself from conversation you were pulled into about eyelash perms. You had nothing to add to that topic and looking around you as you escaped the group of Barbie look-alikes that enjoyed talking about all things them, you noticed that you weren’t the only one there who seemed to feel the way you did.

Diego’s brother appeared as unenthused as a person could be. He was standing there with one hand jammed in his front pant pocket as he stared at the drink in his hand with all the enthusiasm of a sloth taking a nap.

You had to smile at that.

Five Hargreeves clearly wasn’t having the time of his life, but when he unexpectedly looked up and busted you looking at him, you swore his lips tuned up just a little.

Damn.

You’d seen a few pictures of Five in the press but he was never happy in them. Now you could see that he could break hearts by deploying even the smallest smile, which apparently wasn’t something he did often because that small crack in his otherwise somber demeanor was the first you’d seen all night, and you’d know because since he arrived your eyes had felt magnetically drawn to him.

You couldn’t help it, and you could only blame that partly on all the things Diego and Lila had told you about him. Because of them, you knew all about the infamous Number Five and not just the things the public had been told. Five may have looked young again, but he was anything but a naïve college boy who was just starting out in life, and you found his story tragic but also fascinating.

You couldn’t help but admire him and how he looked in his perfectly tailored three-piece suit. All guys tended to look good when dressed to impress like he was, but somehow, he was making the look so innocently charming that it was making you feel inappropriately warm.

Shaking off the jittery feeling just his quick glance had given you, you moved over to the kitchen. The counter had two punch bowls sitting on it for guests to choose from. Selecting a scoop of the one you hadn’t tried yet; you filled your cup with the pink colored poison then continued maneuvering your way through the swarm of people.

Just as you were meandering over to a corner to hide in, Lila spotted you and called out, waving you over.

Here we go…

You had every intention of talking with them again before you left, but right then, almost their entire family were over there and…

Yeah.

You had heard about the Umbrella Academy and the Hargreeves since you were just a kid, and you loved Diego and Lila and their little boy, but that didn’t make it any less bizarre or intimidating being at such an intimate gathering with all of them. None of them looked like they did back in their glory days. Those famous kids wearing their fancy blue academy blazers and goofy shorts paired with their superhero masks were no more but to say you were still slightly awestruck was a gross understatement.

As you shyly approached, you heard Five snappily asking, “Do you have too many tabs open in your brain again, Lila?”

Lila snorted as she took you by the hand, pulling you into their fold.

“Sure, says the so-called genius who talks to himself and who's romantically involved with his hand,” she shot back, then took a second to introduce you to her verbal sparring partner since you’d already met the rest of the family when you got there.

Five’s eyes narrowed a tad as he took you in, then his expression warmed with his dimpled smile as he extended his hand and casually introduced himself.

When your skin touched his, you felt a strange spark-like sensation that left you with quick quivering aftershocks as if you’d just picked up too much static. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stifle the small squeak that came out of you from the sensation of it, and there was no mistaking the devious look in Five’s eyes over your reaction.

Then, as if he hadn’t just intentionally done something to you, with his soft looking lips still quirked up, Five looked back at Lila and coolly said, “To get back to addressing your needless concerns about what I do with my free time, of course, I am good with my hands and talking to myself. That is not news. I am a survivor and I take care of my business and always have. And further, sometimes I need an export opinion and I sure as hell won’t be getting it from any of you idiots, so just back off.”

“Urgh,” Lila protested. “There he goes again saying we are all idiots. Diego, my idiot, my love, Why did we invite him again? Oh yeah, because Five has no social life, which is exactly my point.”

Diego obviously heard her, but he continued messing around on his phone, rearranging the songs on his playlist rather than joining their argument.

Towering over everyone but looking meek as a kitten, Luther awkwardly cleared his throat. “She’s not wrong, Five. Perhaps it is time to spread your wings and fly.”

“And when did you do that again?” Five hissed. “Not until you were twenty-nine!”

Clearly you had stumbled into a conversation that wasn’t meant for your ears, but you had a pretty good idea of what they were talking about because Diego had told you that Five was very reclusive. You couldn’t really blame him for that, not with him being in an extremely complicated situation that would make starting any kind of new relationship very hard. Telling people the truth about his life would never be easy and from what you could see, most people didn’t seem interested in breaking the ice with the standoffish ex-temporal assassin anyway.

As you were mentally questioning if it was just because Five gave off the don’t fuck with me vibe, or if it was just the very little people did know of him that kept them away, Klaus reached over and squeezed Five on the arm as he said, “Don’t worry, man. I get it. We all do, it’s just-"

Five looked like he might bite his brother’s hand off if he didn’t remove it. “No, you don’t get it," he interrupted, "and I said drop it with your hippy guru therapy shit.”

Lila tisked and Five looked at her then rolled his eyes so far back that you thought they might get lost inside his head. She smacked Diego. “Hey! Back us up. Your brother is being a bore as usual and as much as much as I hate the pervy little muppet, I have had enough of his brooding.”

Totally distracted or maybe just still pretending to be, Diego slammed the rest of his drink, then went back to mouthing lyrics as he bobbed his head to the bass thumping rap music he’d just put on.

Taking a long drink of your own beverage, you mulled over what you were seeing and hearing.

Lila often spoke of Five with a distaste, but you could tell that under all her condemnation there was a fondness there built on things only they could understand. She cared about him, and the feeling had to be mutual otherwise she wouldn’t be bothering with him and Five wouldn’t have come in the door an hour ago with a huge stuffed animal for their son and an equally big gift covered in yellow and green wrapping paper for their unborn child that you were all there to honor.

Seeing as Diego was still ignoring her, and Five shut down his other two brothers, Lila tried again, which again proved that her meddling wasn’t just for the fun of fucking with him, though it seemed she was enjoying that too, especially since you’d come over.

“Five, all I am saying is, sometimes you’re the bird and sometimes you’re the statue. Stop being the statue that all the happy carefree free birds crap on,” she metaphorically explained. “You’d look better without all their shit mucking up that sour face of yours. Lighten up and maybe try hitting on someone not made of plastic.”

Your eyes popped as she looked over and grinned.

What?

Plastic? Did she mean like the Babies girls over there and their fake tits and lip fillers?

Shaking his head as he pulled a hand back through his hair, Five huffily sighed. “Not that it’s any of your business, but Dolores and I have moved on. And as much as your hairbrained logic proves my point about your questionable brain function, I’m sorry, I have to go. You’re boring me to death and my survival instincts are kicking in.”

Just like that, to your dismay, the most interesting person there started to walk away, but then Diego jumped in, holding up a finger for him to wait. He sprinted off to a closet by their front hall. When he came back a few seconds later, he dumped a fedora on his younger looking brother’s head.

“There, buddy,” Diego happily exclaimed as Five apprehensively glanced up at the brim of the gray hat. “We have been meaning to give this to you. The old guy who used to live here left a bunch of weird shit behind. It fits your grumpy grandpa style and Lila said you used to wear one just like it.”

Five took off the hat, blankly looking at it.

Verbally jabbing him even more, Lila said, “This really does complete your stick up your arse look and I am sure it will be a big hit with the ladies.”

Not sure what got into you as you watched Five’s face becoming more and more troubled, you rapidly blurted, “It’s true. I think it makes you look very sexy.”

Looking about as surprised as you over that coming out of your mouth, Five slowly placed the hat back on his head, then he proceeded to slam the rest of his drink and go back to staring at the empty cup rather than acknowledge your compliment or his family who were now conspiratorially looking between the two of you as they sniggered like a bunch of shithead schoolgirls.

Seeing as Five was choosing to withdraw even after you’d acted totally out of character and hit on him in front of everyone, Diego gently elbowed him in the side and said, “Earth to Five. Maybe you’d have better luck picking up a date if you pulled your head out of your ass and tried to be nice for once.”

Jaw working as if he was thinking very hard about something, Five’s deeply expressive eyes suddenly flipped up, meeting yours for just a moment before he looked back at Diego, and scowled. “First, it was a stick up there, and now you say it’s my head. “What’s with you weridos and things in my ass?”

They had ganged up on him, but there he was, defiantly standing there with that silly hat perched on his chocolate-colored mane while he was being all grumbly but somehow doing it while sounding more adorable and looking more handsome than anyone you had ever seen.

To add to your night of doing embarrassing things, glancing down at Five’s rather nice butt, he busted you again and so did Lila. Her snort of a laugh over your indiscretion was the moment you couldn’t hold it in anymore and you started cracking up too, almost choking on your drink when Klaus declared, “Looks like we aren’t the only ones obsessing over your cute ass, Fivey. It’s a force to be reckoned with.”

For some reason the predatory look Five was offering you only made your fit of giggles worse. His ass was very cute and he was owning that ridiculous hat and then some, and damn did he look good when he was mad.

He slowly licked his lips. That openly hungry look in his pale green eyes aimed directly at you and it made you shiver even though the temperature in the room felt like it had suddenly become volcanically warm.

Did the air just get sucked out of the room?

Your skin prickled. 

You stopped laughing and your mouth snapped shut.

Of course, this is when Lila and Diego had suddenly become engaged with a few of their guests that had just come in, and Luther was also talking with someone else, and Klaus had gotten pulled away. You were quickly feeling very out of place again. Not sure what to say, you tried to move away, but Five snatched you by the wrist as you tried to pass.

“Do you think I’m going to let you laugh at me and get away with it?” His words came out with a razor sharp edge to them, and at first you didn’t know what to say and he clearly knew he had you totally flustered based on his haughty smirk.

“I wasn’t laughing at you because of what your family was saying. I think they were being a bit harsh but it’s only because they care,” you nervously explained.

“Oh, really? Why were you laughing then?”

You swore your cheeks must have been glowing they were so hot as you answered with your partial lie. “I laughed because I think the things you say are hilarious. I love a man with a dry sense of humor.”

Five’s fingers tickled the underside of your wrist. His smile grew bigger as he flashed his perfect white teeth. “I am gathering that you’ve heard all sorts of things about me and yet you still think I am sexy? You think I am funny when I am being a dick and you evidently like looking at my ass… Is that right or did I miss something?”

He raised a brow at you.

“Er...”

After giving that very articulate answer, you figured you might as well die right then and there and Five looked no less amused by that.

The fact that he was trapping you and he was a very dangerous man hadn’t escaped your attention. The way he was looking at you and the way he was blocking your path were making that even more evident, but then he brought your hand to his mouth and threw you for a loop when he gently kissed the top of it.

You didn’t know what to say but Five didn’t seem to mind as he confidently added, “Despite the things they say about me, being good friends with your hand simply makes me aware of how to use it, and believe me, I know how to use them both and not just on myself.”

Five pulled you closer, his lips moving to your ear as he set his cup down on the small end table next to you.

“Since you seem so interested, I love to show you what I can do.” His hand tightened around yours. “To start, I could be a gentleman and save you from this party you seem to be enjoying so much. I could gallantly escort you out of here and we could get to know each other a little better, somewhere a little quieter…”

Gulp.

Did he really just say that?

Five’s smile turned sweetly innocent again and his eyes sparkled with mischief. “By that, of course I mean, I could buy you a coffee and we could take a nice friendly hand-in-hand stroll through the park, or we could do something equally as enjoyable. My attitude doesn’t have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head.”

He winked and your heart skipped a beat.

You couldn’t believe your ears. Five started to pull away.

“So? What do you think? Are you game?” he questioned.

Just then, Klaus came running through, flipping over the back of the couch before tackling Five.

“You can’t leave yet!” he yelled as Five went flying into the back of the chair behind him.

The crowd moved back but it was too late for you and the bowl of chips that went airborne.

Though smaller than his brother, Five was visibly not out matched and he could give two shits about going off on Klaus in front of everyone. Five surged at Klaus, shoving him back but Klaus leaped back up almost as fast as he took a nosedive. He launched himself again, this time frazzling Five’s hair into a fuzzy looking tangled nest but Five disappeared in a flash of blue then reappeared and nailed him in the gut with his knee. 

Klaus curled in on himself but not before snatching the gray fedora off Five’s head. Then wheezing with laughter, he smacked Five in the butt then ran away yelling something extremely mature that sounded a lot like, ‘Na-na na-na boo-boo, can’t catch me I’m the ghost whispering gingerbread man!’

You wiped a hand down your wet face and looked down at your shirt that just got splashed with the high-octane blue beverage Klaus had been holding and accidentally tossed during his ambush.

With his back to you still as he looked in the direction Klaus had run off in, Five angrily breathlessly panted, “Sometimes I really hate that asshole.”

His hands came up, threading through his messy hair, then they ran down his rumpled vest before he straightened his silk tie. He started to turn back your way saying, “The jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain, so that gives me…” Five’s mouth stopped moving when he saw you, “-that gives me hope for- Him. Shit…” He started yanking his hair again. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”

Gone was that foxy smile and the smooth talker that seemed to know just how to push all your buttons. Five was fiddling with his hands at his sides like he didn’t know what to do or say now that the moment between you had been interrupted.

Just as you were about to assure him that it was nothing and you were fine, Luther and Diego came over yelling something about them acting like children. Seeing that Five was engaged with yelling back at them, you quickly hurried off to the bathroom.

As you entered Lila and Diego’s bedroom and beelined it for their private bathroom, you couldn’t believe that had just happened or how much Five had gotten to you.

Looking down at your nearly empty drink sitting on the counter, then at your sticky face in the mirror, you laughed at yourself.

In your head, you had already convinced yourself that you were reading it all wrong. There was no way Five was hitting on you, not when there were about a million other better options of people to flirt with out there in this world, not to mention in that apartment.

You were super buzzed enough to let your eyes wander places they shouldn’t and your alcohol loosened lips said some very forward things and he was just messing with you because of it, or maybe even trying to be nice since his family had been drilling him so hard about it.

Sure… Nice wouldn’t be alluding to the things he was, but still. There was no way someone like Five Hargreeves was trying to get with someone like you.

Was there?

Out in the living room, unbeknownst to you, Five had finished telling Luther and Diego to fuck off then he broke away from the crowd.

When he reached his brother’s bedroom door and found Klaus was lying across their bed, he glared bitterly. “Someday I am going to blink you to Antarctica and leave you there.”

Klaus just laughed. “Awww, sorry about that, Lil’ brosnap. I didn’t see who you were talking to. I just thought you were bailing, and I didn’t want you to go yet.” He lazily tossed the stolen gray hat up in the air and purposely nodded towards the door next to the bed.

Glancing that way, Five could see the light pouring out from under the door.

Hearing you talking on your phone inside, he looked at Klaus, shaking an admonishing finger at him. “Thanks to you, she is probably in there calling a cab. She probably wants to get away from me and this moronic family as fast as possible!”

Just as Klaus was about to open his mouth, Five brought a finger up to his lips, wordlessly shushing him. Klaus grinned wider as he twirled the old hat on his finger.

Five came in further, and Klaus loudly whispered, “That’s it. You got this, buddy. She is so wet over your cute little old man ways. Go get her!”

Five stomped over, stealing his new hat from him, then smashed it down on his head.

“She’s wet because you spilled on her!” he snarled, while ignoring whatever else Klaus was suggesting with his dirty hand gestures.

Five silently made his way over to the bathroom door again, raising his hand to knock but paused midair and turned. “Get the fuck out!” he angrily whispered.

Looking thrilled as ever, Klaus jumped up and skipped back out to rejoin the party.

Five took a deep breath. “Here goes nothing, old man.” He quickly readjusted his hat and softly knocked on the yellowed paint covering the wooden barrier in front of him.

He’d hardly pushed on the door, but to both your surprise, the old latch gave and the next thing you knew, you were standing there, with your shirt unbuttoned halfway down and Five staring at you with wide eyes and a rapidly gaping jaw.

“Fuck,” he cursed as you clung to the washcloth you were using to clean yourself while you also clumsily tried to close your shirt, but it was too late, he’d seen your goods and his face looked absolutely stunned from the sight.

“Oh my God this is embarrassing,” you moaned as you turned around, still trying to right yourself.

You were sure Five was going to turn around and walk away and you’d never see his captivating features looking so adorably flustered ever again, but then he stepped inside.

You looked up at his reflection staring back at you through the mirror and that look of shock was replaced by something else entirely menacing.

Five appeared right behind you a second later in a flash of bluish light and you jolted in astonishment over it. You knew about his powers. He’d even given you a tiny taste of what he had inside him when you shook his hand, but you’d never seen it or felt what it was like to have a teleporter’s electrified touch tease your skin by merely flexing his strength that close to you.

Your heart raced.

“Holy shit, you scared me,” you gasped.

Five smiled.

“Sorry. I couldn’t resist.” His answer came out so close, his breath tingling the fine hairs on the back of your neck as it cascaded down, making your thighs tense with aching want.

You swallowed thickly, then said, “I thought the door was locked. I- I-ah…”

“I am glad it wasn’t.”

Through the mirror his gaze shamelessly moved down your body before meeting your questioning eyes again.

“I was going to come in here and apologize for what happened out there,” he said, his words quiet and steady, a stark contrast from the torrents of butterflies that were making it feel like you might start quivering all over from him simply being so close. “That was no way for me to treat a lady I was trying to seduce.”

So much for those butterflies staying in their net.

“Wha-what?” you stammered.

“I may look like I am doing nothing while I am awkwardly trying to navigate social situations like this, but in my head, I have been quite busy. The last hour I have been trying to figure out how to approach you. I came to drop off my gifts, but you are the reason I stayed this long.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” he laughed, and you felt the back of his wool pants brush against your leg. “And it turns out Lila wasn’t wrong this time,” he furthered. “I heard so many things about you, but nothing could prepare me for your timeless beauty, or how your mouth moves without your consent because then I get to hear your unfiltered thoughts while your cheeks become as pink as your kissable looking lips.” His eyes lowered to those lips. “In my last relationship one could say I got lost inside my own head, so I am not good at this kind of thing, and I appreciate your candor. If you hadn’t said what you did, I would have never had the balls to speak to you.”

The points of his shoes moved into view next to yours.

“You made it easy for me and the math is really simple. First, add the bed, then subtract the clothes, and hope we don’t multiply. That’s how this is supposed to go, right?”

You rapidly blinked.

“I am just kidding…well, sort of,” he teased. “I know this is fast but speaking of honesty and saying what’s on your mind. I am dying to kiss you. Can I?” he softly questioned.

Without even thinking you whispered back a yes.

Five’s arm began to slip around you and his warm lips hit your shoulder. This was not the kiss you were expecting, but then again, you weren’t facing him and nothing about Five was what you were expecting.

“Do you like this?” he asked against your neck while you fell back into him.

“I do,” you quietly replied as Five applied a barrage of super soft kisses from behind and he tightened his hold.

Not letting up on his affections, he continued tickling you with his lips as the thrum of the song that had just come on rattled the walls in the tiny bathroom.

Was this happening?

Thinking nothing other than you didn’t want this to stop, your hands came up, reaching behind you as your fingertips slid along the crown of Five’s hat, lightly holding him to you.

For someone that supposedly didn’t get out much or date, you were thinking that Five was very good at this seduction thing. Then his hands at your waist loosened and your eyes flit back open the moment his magical lips detached from your skin.

He was watching you with a peculiar sort of expression. You were not sure what you were seeing. You could almost imagine his clever green eyes, slightly more crinkled in the corners, and his sharp jaw, all still the same but different as he aged and someday again became the person he was on the inside.

He was a contradiction of outward behavior and his young face under that old man’s hat had you wanting him in ways that were all sorts of wrong.

“You really do like this hat, don’t you?” he teased as your fingers latched onto the brim again then moved down to the silky ends of his hair that was flipped out boyishly behind his ears.

“I do,” you admitted as you ran your fingernails into his scalp.

⚠️(naughty part starting)

Five let out the sweetest sound of joy over the feel of you touching him, then his body pressed up behind you and you immediately felt the heat of his arousal pressed between your butt cheeks.

Your brain did a somersault, and your mouth went off again. “I mean, I was going to say that- Ah… That you look very nice one way or another, hat or no hat. I should have clarified out there but then I felt stupid for saying anything and then I got all wet and…”

Totally losing your mind and your confidence, you dropped your hands in front of you again, twisting them anxiously.

Five’s smile deepened. “For starters, I had been thinking of grabbing coffee and taking you on a get to know you better date, but now with you writhing your beautiful body all over me, you’ve got me thinking I need to get you even more wet before we can get out of here and do that. Will you let me touch you a little more?” he calmly replied, his eyes never leaving yours as he slowly slid his hands over the planes of your stomach, then down over the curves of your waist where he took your hands under his and brought them between your legs.

It felt like you were having an outer body experience.

When you didn’t answer, Five started to pull away and you reactively laced your fingers between his, keeping him attached to you as your body melted back into his like you were two puzzle pieces always meant to be put together.

As you slowly moved your hand in his over your need, there was no denying that you wanted him or that he wanted you, not with how his eyes blithely closed and reopened just as hypnotically as his uttered wishes rolled off his tongue. “Will you let me pleasure you, sweetheart?”

Sweetheart?

You whimpered and closed your own eyes to another one of his feather light kisses moving along your throat.

Five nuzzled his face against your skin, humming in appreciation as he brushed your hair aside and ran his lips over every inch of you that he could get at. The shell of your ear was captured between his lips, his teeth running along the length.

Unwilling and unable to stop this anymore than Five was, you snuck a hand behind you, giving his belt a tug so he poked you from behind hard enough to make your smile brighten with renewed confidence.

Thinking of his impressive erection and the scandal over the fact that the bathroom door was still cracked open, you started to rub your ass back into him very deliberately.

“Oh, fuck, the things I want to do to your sweet ass,” he huskily breathed as his fingers dug into your hips almost painfully.

“Do it then,” you challenged.

“I am going to make it impossible for you to forget me. You’ll be ruined for anyone else when I’m done with you,” Five darkly warned.

“I am not scared,” you purred back, and to that, Five gave a quick huff of a laugh and a not so soft nip on your shoulder in reprimand for your white lie. “It’s okay if you are scared. You’d be foolish not to be.”

After that matter of fact comment, Five contentedly sucked on your earlobe as his hands slid down your thighs, kneading them as he worked your skirt up.

Your barely contained sighs as you repeatedly drove your bottom back against his dick were letting him know you weren’t deterred by his warning, but to your dismay, Five abruptly pulled away again.

Almost right away your mouth opened with a flood of complaints.

“No, Five! Come back!” You had just whined so pathetically that you instantly wanted to hide your face but Five wouldn’t let you. His hand came up, forcing your chin back up so you had to look at him.

Looking happy as ever, Five then nudged his new hat up just a little, making him look even more unbelievably attractive now that it was sitting crooked. "Damn. You’re already a fluttering mess for me,” he said followed by a quick laugh. “You want daddy to do very bad things to you, don’t you, naughty girl.”

“No, I don’t!” you shot back and Five smirked even more at your fake look of indignation.

“Beg for it,” he commanded.

Of course, to that, you said nothing and tried to lay it on thicker, sulking even more as you carefully worked your ass back along his shaft despite his lame attempt to hold you off.

“Admit that you have been undressing me with your eyes ever since I walked in the door,” he taunted.

“I was not.”

“You are begging to be punished for these blatant lies,” he coarsely breathed against the back of your neck as he aggressively kneaded his palm over your bottom.

Undeterred by your refusal to give in, Five began urging you to lean over with one of his hands pushing down on your upper back. When you obediently did as he wished, he pulled his hand off you, bringing it back only a second later with a burning slap delivered to your left ass cheek.

Eyes peeled wide, you looked back at him through the mirror, pretending to be appalled, but you cracked quickly enough, smiling back cheekily as you said, “Uh-oh, looks like daddy is mad at me."

At first Five looked surprised by what you'd said but then just as quickly, he pursed his lips and shrugged. “I’m not mad, sweetheart, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences for you not confessing how much you want me to fuck you. Almost from the start I knew there was a very bad girl hiding underneath that coy smile of yours.”

Five gave your ass cheek another swift spank. This time it was harder, the blooming sting hitting you both where his hand had just been and between your legs where the fresh flood of your desire leaked hotly onto your panties.

“You’re a dirty girl who wants daddy to fuck you hard. Say it.”

You didn’t, so he did it again. As Five’s hand made contact your body reactively dropped lower and your head thunked against the countertop as a soft moan of desperation crawled out of your mouth.

“You can hardly contain yourself,” Five mocked as he fingers lightly traveled from behind then down over your underwear. As he felt the moist heat he’d caused, Five let out the most filthy sound of approval.

He had called it. You may be a closeted naughty girl but Five Hargreeves was evidently not all he appeared to be either and not in the way you thought.

Flipping your hair and angling your head up, you breathlessly licked the drool from your lips then said, “I can take whatever you’ve got. Give me more if you think you’ve got it in you.” To add to that, one of your high heels lifted and rubbed against Five’s ankle.

Seeming to mentally pause over your comment that was meant to provoke him, Five massaged his hand over the spot he’d just slapped. With the blood raised to the surface of your skin, it almost felt like too much with him just doing that but somehow, compared to you, he still looked mostly unmoved.

You were quickly realizing that Five could be unbelievably tender, but something in him craved submission, which was fine by you but you knew there was only so long before someone came in there and this titillating game of foreplay couldn’t last forever.

Probably realizing the same thing, pulling you back upright, Five leaned into your ear again. “Don’t worry, I got it in me, honey. I am just waiting to hear the right words,” he assured, as he gave your side a fresh tickle while also letting his fingers on his other hand mosey inside your slightly open blouse.

Five’s fingers grazed your round mounds of flesh that were already moving up and down heavily thanks to the coil of need inside you that was building to a point it felt like it could burst at any moment. As his fingers threaded along your nipples another kittenish sigh filled the small room.

“Ah, fuck, I wanted you from the moment I saw you,” you frantically moaned. “Please fuck me, Five.”

Just as something slammed into the wall from the other side, you noticed that for the first time Five looked hesitant, but then his breath tensely pulled in and he said, “Fuck it.” He cocked his head at you and grinned. “Hold on tight. I’m not stopping until you’re crying out my name.”

Right then, the 80’s pop song playing ended and a more club type of music started to play, thumping bass through the speakers in the living room loud enough to shake the floor under your feet.

All at once, you lifted your body and grasped the back of Five’s neck as you pulled his face against yours. Trying your best to kiss him, you rolled your body against his to the beat.

He smelled so good, something between fresh air and a spicy rich scent you couldn’t name. His body molded to yours as you moved together in a way you knew someone as reserved as him wouldn’t be doing if you were doing this dance in front of everyone else.

Five rapidly rewarded your efforts to get more of him with his own frantic kisses moving along your jaw as you began massaging your fingers through his soft hair. With his chin, Five worked your collar down while he pushed his hips into you, undulating them to the music.

While he had you occupied with his gyrating dance moves, he shoved his foot back, kicking the bathroom door closed. No sooner was that done, than he had one hand lifting the hem of your skirt again so he could slide it inside the front of your underwear.

Your breath hitched as your body twisted from the abrupt contact of his diligently circling fingers.

His words buzzed in between kisses and him humping your ass.“Do you want to dance with me, or fuck me, sweetheart?” 

You gave him the only answer you could because it was true. “Both”

Pushing him along, you leaned over and gripped the counter in a way that you knew would look very encouraging.

Five kept close, moving right along with you, fingering you with his arm around your front, but he also started tearing at his belt with his other hand, opening it and his pants as fast as he possibly could. Once freed, his pants fell to the floor, the metal of his belt hitting the tiles with a sharp clank.

With that done, Five yanked your underwear down and out of the way. Though you were being dominated by his brilliant finger fucking, you managed to shimmy the lace down the rest of the way, kicking out of the tiny garment once it hit your heels.

No sooner had you done that than Five brought his slicked fingers around your backside, and with no word of warning, he moved two fingers inside you from the back. Just as fast, you were making the most scandalous sounds of consent over the forceful act and how perfectly he was hooking his fingers.

To make it all the better, you could hear Five angrily fisting his erection as he grated out his next words. “I need to be inside you, right now. Just like this. Is that okay?”

To answer his question, you bent just a bit more, inviting him to take what he wanted. Five dipped forward rubbing the tip of dick between your cheeks. The precum seeping out of him brushed down your entire crack as if to scramble your brain even more with the question of which hole he had meant when he said, 'just like this' and 'is this okay.'

The angle was perfect for both one way or another, the counter height just right, and you could even see his beautiful face in the mirror in front of you. Now all he needed to do was take what was already his no matter how he decided to take it. You didn’t care anymore, that was how much this man had broken you.

Only letting out a small noise of complaint when he removed his fingers from inside you, Five was quick to replace them. Shuffling closer with his pants around his polished shoes, and one hand on your hip, Five slid the heavy tip of his cock across your swollen folds.

You tensed slightly when he began pushing inside.

Feeling that, Five’s throat hummed with something pained sounding and he slowed himself.

Your body fought against his as he gradually sunk deeper, everything feeling more intense with him taking you from behind. Your soft sighs as he continued penetrating you were each met with his own hissing curses.

“This feels… Fffff- Oh fuck you feel so good,” he spat.

His praise wasn’t coming out very eloquent compared to his normally more well thought out orations, but considering it felt like he just drove his dick all the way through to your belly button, that was apparently all he had, and you could hardly speak a single syllable or a vowel any better to explain what you were feeling.

Once fully encircled by your heat, while you were lost in how deep he was, Five wasted no time jerking your hips back to him so he could bury himself all over again.

That time he bottomed out on one shove.

“Aaahh-ffffmmm!” you loudly moaned as your hands searched for purchase on the smooth countertop and several bottles of toiletries tipped and rolled into the sink.

“Fuck me. I think my dick just entered the gates of Heaven on Earth,” Five groaned, and you couldn’t help but shakily laugh at that and the completely wrecked face he was making.

Also feeling lightheaded with lust, peering up at him through the mirror, you gave him something else to think about. “I knew my tight pussy would ruin you for anyone else…honey.”

Looking all at once shaken by your garish comment that mimicked his, Five then shocked you when his grip loosened on your waist and his hand reconnected with your ass so hard your legs nearly gave out.

“Such a bad girl,” he growled back with his nostrils flaring but he looked so fucking hot in his near manic state that it and his debasing treatment only made you even more lost in the insanity of the moment and painfully delicious pleasure he was giving you.

“Oh, yes, da-ddy…please, just like that, doh-don’t st-op,” you loudly pleaded with him to keep fucking you just like he was, all the while hoping the music was enough to prevent anyone hearing your sputtered cries.

And just like he’d said, Five didn’t stop.

He slapped and groped, again and again as his cock moved in and out with a carefully calculated cadence. You buried your head against your arm to stifle your moans. Just the sound of his hips thwacking against your butt each time he threw his cock into you was enough to make it feel like you’d lost touch with reality.

Your eyes crashed closed as everything around you disappeared but you and him.

Five reached around your waist so he could play with your clit again and almost instantly, your legs started trembling and that only made him work his hand harder.

“Ffffffff-iiiive!”

His breath hitched with each determined thrust as he disjointedly said, “That’s- Right. Say. My. Name!”

"Oh, fuck yes, Five! Ffffuucc-" Your words were cut off by another obscene sounding whimper.

You were about to double over. The blessing of warmth crashed down around you, your entire body feeling like it could burst as you fell over the edge with pulsing waves of pleasure.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes,” you breathed in-between Five’s cock sliding in and out of you as your ass continued to get wildly bounced off his powerful hips.

Having taken care of you, Five withdrew his fingers from between your legs, then he gripped you by the hair tugging you up.

Even though you could hardly stand, let alone think straight as your body continued to spasm around his cock, you swiftly complied, angling your head back, as you arched your body against his punishing hold.

This new angle changed things up dramatically and not in a bad way. Five’s cock was filling you, the rounded tip sliding in and out and catching just right. You held your breath as you savored the feeling of him taking complete control of your body.

Your droopy eyes could hardly stay open but every time you tried to close them, Five would tug your hair. “Look at me,” he demanded.

He all but lifted your weight off the floor so he could angle his hips up and down even more, which quickly had you shuddering all over again and showering him with dizzying rambles of praise.

“You are so- So…fuck-ing amazing, Ffff-ivvve. Fu-ah-ah-kkkkk!”

He grunted his agreement, then let go of your waist as he started feverishly trying to get his hands on your breasts. Frustrated that your shirt was preventing him from getting at all of you, he suddenly ripped it the rest of the way open. The buttons flew everywhere, but neither of you so much as flinched as they scattered around your feet.

Having got what he wanted, Five kept at it, fervently grinding myself up against your ass as he massaged and pinched your nipples with his hands shoved under the cups of your bra.

Watching your reflections in the mirror, his darkened eyes felt like they could see right through to your soul. Speaking softly next to your ear, he spoke his next words between low bitten off groans. “I’m not- Stopping. Until you- Ca-um again.”

Even though you had not objected, that didn't prevent Five from digging in the sharp points of his teeth into your shoulder until you breathed the word please, over and over.

Even having just climaxed twice already, and without his hand stimulating your clit, you were close again. You started to shake, your legs turning to jelly with each violent jolt of his hips.

Not sure if you could stay on your feet, you tried to reach for the counter, but Five wouldn’t let you go. He kept at it, tightly detaining you so he could keep plowing into you from behind.

The second you were lost in orgasmic bliss again, he gave in, finally seeking his own release, and it only took a moment more for him to find it.

Five let out a vibration of hummed contentment that danced softly along your neck. He sounded as beautiful as he looked as his cock throbbed and his hot seed filled you, then started to drip down your legs and onto the floor. His thighs kept flexing as he shoved his entire length in and out but his hips gradually lost rhythm.

⚠️(naughty part end)

In between labored breaths Five was doing his best to pepper your shoulders with kisses, though it was sweetly sloppy compared to the way he’d been making a study of treasuring you before.

Despite Five’s seemingly heartless and self-absorbed ways, you were totally falling for this and that was because he was anything but that person he tried to make others see. Five was extremely attentive and loving and you were thinking about that truth when you realized the bass thumping music had been turned way down.

Footsteps were loudly clomping down the hallway leading to the master bedroom.

Your eyes darted towards the door.

Luther called out, “They aren’t in here!”

Not even a half a second later, while a very dazed Five was still slowly undulating his hips and lethargically clinging to you, the door burst open.

“AHHH!” Luther loudly cried.

Both his hands flew up covering his eyes like it would somehow change what he’d just seen.

“So not cool! I- I just saw your bare ass, Five!" he rambled, his jaw opening and closing, the noises coming out, but he couldn’t come up with anything else coherent until he stammered, “We didn’t know where you guys went. We thought maybe something was wrong.”

“Klaus knew where the hell we were,” Five quickly shot back, then languidly kissed your neck where he’d bitten it numerous times, then he looked at his brother in the mirror and much more calmly added, “Luther…shut-the-door.”

Trying to listen to his older but younger looking brother, Luther dropped one hand and blindly started searching for the door. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to open the door,” he repeated as he failed to find the knob because he wasn’t letting himself see more than the floor right at his feet.

He appeared to be too scared to step inside to reach for it.

Carefully slipping his length out of you, Five flipped your skirt down, then he reached for his own pants and underwear, pulling them both back up. He didn’t waste time zipping up or fastening his belt because he’d suddenly found it more important to find something to cover your destroyed shirt; the one you were now forced to hold shut manually.

You didn’t even have your underwear. They were over just in front of the door by Luther’s feet, which was probably also why he was too stunned to move. At least you were mostly covered; your bra hid most everything explicit from his eyes, and Five’s body collapsing into yours had covered the rest. Now everything was mostly put away, so you weren’t sure what Luther was freaking out about or hiding from.

Five took a towel from the shelf next to the shower and handed it to you. At that point, you could have cared less one way or another if you had it, but you took it and beamed back at Five, wiping up the mess he’d made of you while also trying not to crack up at the stern look he was giving you for not covering your boobs.

He mouthed for you to cover yourself and you tried not to laugh at how serious he was trying to sound while saying it but it was a total failure and you laughed anyway.

While unfolding the towel in front of your tattered shirt you said, “Well, now I am both wet and super sticky and my chances of finding anyone as amazing as you are destroyed. I guess you accomplished all your goals, Five. I am absolutely ruined.”

Luther glanced out from under his hand for about half a second and Five raised one of his dark brows and the smile he was trying to hold back came out in full.

“Is- Is everything okay?” his brother questioned. Luther looked thoroughly appalled. The poor guy didn’t seem to know how to process this.

When he didn’t leave, and seemed to be waiting for confirmation that everything was fine, Five sighed and smacked his hand away from his eyes, offering him a cavalier looking grin as he said, “Luther, the lock is broken so it wasn’t your fault the door opened when you touched it, and I am a grown-up just like you, and as such, I have needs, which is why I just got my fuck on in Diego and Lila’s shitty bathroom. I would have thought what you saw cleared up any questions you had about what is going on in here, but just in case it didn’t, take a good look at the hard-on I’m still sporting. Turns out, I finally met a real, non-plastic girl that already knows what kind of man I am, and for some reason she likes me anyway. I am smitten with her, and I don’t care who knows it. Now get the fuck out!”

After Five read Luther the riot act, Klaus sauntered in, joining the party. He whistled loudly as he strolled around the doorframe, grinning at you both like an idiot.

“Ye-ah buddy, way to go, Fivey!” he cheered. “You know what they say, carpe diem and all that shit!”

Seeing as Five was not willing to hit up his high five, Klaus waved at you as if you weren’t already aware he was there.

You waved back, feeling your face getting hotter.

“Did Fivey thoroughly plunder you or do you guys need a few more minutes to finish?” he questioned with his eyes moving from yours, down to the front of Five’s pants. “I see Five is still a go in that department, so I suppose we can put off the party games a bit longer if need be.”

Five still hadn't covered himself and the prominent boner he’d already mentioned was still making its glorious presence known. Like out in the living room, realizing he wasn’t going to back down, you said, “No worries. I think I’m thoroughly plundered for the time being, and I’m pretty sure your brother is just still riled up. We will be right out.”

Klaus bit his bottom lip as he nudged Luther. “Our little psycho is finally growing up. Can you believe it?” Klaus’s voice cracked as he pretended to choke up. He even added some fake sniffles and wiped his eyes. There were tears in them, but that was only because he was trying so hard to hold back his laughter.

To take your bathroom post sex chit chat even further down the pisser, you were then graced with both Diego and Lila coming in.

Seemingly unfazed by the bizarre scene before him, Diego took one look at you and then at Five’s open pants and barked, “Come on assholes, put some clothes on. The party isn’t over yet!"

Lila’s grin grew bigger by the second as her eyes flitted from Five’s crotch to you standing behind him. Feeling the need to step in again, you startled Five when your hands slide around his waist.

“Woah! Hi, there,” he cutely gasped, which made both Lila and Klaus laugh. Poor Luther still looked mortified and wasn't at the laughing part yet.

“Just hold still,” you warned as Five got all squirmy when you blew air across the light sheen of sweat heating his neck. “I think you’re scaring the big guy, with your big scary trouser snake.”

Giving Five a pat on his butt for good measure, you pressed yourself tighter to his back side while putting him back to rights, zipping him up, fixing his belt, and then tucking his shirt back in.

“There, all set.” You gave him a peck just below his ear, then smoothed your hands over the fronts of his tensed thighs as you peeked over his shoulder at your audience.

Diego’s smirk had you thinking it was just a matter of seconds before he battered Five with something that would no doubt set him off again, but then he merely chuckled and said, “You really do make that hat look good, man.”

Lila tossed you one of her old band t-shirts and gave you a wicked looking grin of approval that proved she was up to something all along, then she said, “We haven’t done the baby reveal yet but you two already know what we’re having, so if you want to get out of here, have at it.” When neither of you said anything, she added, “I still think you are prat, Five, but you deserve something good like this. Just wipe up that jizz off my floor before you go.”

Diego turned, putting an arm around her while he also tugged Klaus and Luther along with them.

Once they were out of sight, you threw the soft cotton over yourself just as Diego started yelling, and you heard their confetti cannon filled with pink glitter going off. “Now it’s really time to celebrate, people! We’re having a girl and her crazy ass Godfather just got laid for the first time!”

Totally Gobsmacked, your mouth dropped open and you stepped in front of Five. “The first time?”

“Not exactly,” Five replied, sounding slightly embarrassed. “I mentioned a woman named Dolores before… So there was that.”

Thinking of the sad look in his eyes when he had mentioned her, you hesitantly said, “Is she still…here?” You couldn't’ bring yourself to ask if she’d died but you could tell that something bad had happened.

“She’ll always be here,” Five whispered, followed by a tiny laugh and a curiously timed scratch at his temple. He looked down at the floor. “I guess my wonderful family didn’t tell you about that part.”

“No, they didn’t, but will you?”

“I will,” he replied, looking up at you with a soft smile that almost reached his eyes but not quite.

“Hey. They asked you to be the Godfather?” you questioned, trying to change the subject as you came forward and threw your arms around Five while breathing in the minty scent of his hair as he lowered his head against yours.

“They did,” he replied. “I am already their other little rugrats back up parent and I guess I didn’t screw that up yet, so they figured why not keep things simple.”

“That’s funny. They asked me to be the Godmother.”

Five let out a tired sounding sighed but you could still hear the smile on his lips. “And the plot thickens…”

A moment of silence passed, and you weren’t sure what he was waiting for. 

The door was open. 

“Is it true that you would have been willing to go out there with me?” he softly questioned. Breaking away just a little so he could look at you, Five’s smile looked so hopeful as he added, “I mean, a teleporting, cold blooded killer, with control issues, random bouts of blatant psychosis, big time issues with body dysmorphia, and a ridiculously inflated ego aren’t usually what most people look for in a boyfriend, so I get it if all you wanted from me was a few laughs and my amazing dick.”

You burst out laughing as you tilted your head up and kissed him, your lips finally coming together for the first time, face to face.

Now there was nothing between you and there was no question what your answer was.

Though Five was obviously a very complicated man, and all the freaky daddy sex god stuff aside, you felt like you were starting to understand him and that was because inside where it mattered, he was all heart.

With his hands coming to your back to keep you locked to him, Five slowly kneaded your tongue with his and it felt like you were falling into a trance from the feel of it and the sound of his peaceful breathing. That was until the world around you fell away, the floor ripping out from under your feet as your stomach free fell.

All at once, you were standing outside. The air crackled around you with the remanence of radiating blue light. Your feet were on the sidewalk, and you could make out that your back was pressed up against the dark blue 1970 corvette stingray you had seen parked outside below Diego and Lila’s living room windows.

Reluctantly breaking your kiss that Five seemed not at all in a hurry to do himself, you looked at the sweet man staring back at you with so much passion in his eyes. His smooth skin was flushed ever so slightly, and his dark hair was sticking out from under that hat in ruffled twists along his long neck.

“Are you ready for that walk in the park now?” he questioned.

You were.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading and if you've read my first series posted over on A03 and this one seemed a little familiar, it's because this one was inspired by a scene in part two of that story. It was just too fun not to turn it into a reader insert one-shot for those who aren't interested in reading 800,000 word, 3 part stories about our awesome guy. 😂👌

Link to my Five Art/Fanfic master post

Link to all my Tumblr posts

Link to visit me on A03

[danjaley]

One of my random book posts:

My long history with Anne of Green Gables

(and that series' unfortunate publishing history in Germany)

My first encounter with Anne of Green Gables was when the girl who bullied me in elementary school held her presentation "My favourite book" about it. The gist of her summary was: "This is a funny book about a girl who likes to pull pranks on everybody". Safe to say, she was not a kindred spirit.

This was in the late nineties, where the only way to buy books was to go to a bookshop and browse the shelves. Somehow, the only place in Germany where L.M. Montgomery seemed to sell were North-Sea holiday resorts. Probably because of the maritime setting. You can even tell by the covers that these books were supposed to be bought by seaside-tourists. Anyway, my mother bought three volumes on a holiday at the North Sea, containing everything up to Anne of Ingleside.

Until around 2000, the "whole series" in Germany consisted of three volumes containing two novels each. Some time in the 80s, Anne of Avonlea, Anne of the Island and Anne of Ingleside also had covers of their own, but they've become rarities. In only own Anne of Avonlea as a single volume. For some odd reason this is yet another cover than the "official" one.

It took me years to really grow fond of the books. The first one I associated with my enemy from school. But at least I could relate to imagining things with your friend (yes, I had friends too). The others scared and confused me. I didn't want to leave home as a teenager to go to college and be a teacher before I was twenty! And I wasn't used to books in which people died. 😥

I think it was an airing of the Animé adaptation on television that made me read the series again at around 16. It became one of my favourite works of fiction. I love books which depict everyday life, making it interesting without overdramatizing. It's something I also try to do in my stories. In this context: Matthew McCarric is partly named after Matthew Cuthbert.

Until I was around 18 I thought Anne of Ingleside was the end of the series. Then, in another bookshop (this time in Munich), I stumbled upon the one called "Anne&Rilla", which is Rilla of Ingleside. It's a very rare experience to find that an author who's known to have died decades ago just publishes a sequel! And since Anne of Ingleside was actually written after Rilla of Ingleside, it was amazing to see that all the hints in it actually led somewhere! I'd never have thought I'd actually meet Monday the Dog! Also it was the first book I read that emotionalized World War I. I only knew books about World War II, usually written long afterwards with a didactic intention. Nothing wrong with that of course, but it sparked my interest in contemporary literature about the World Wars.

The German subtitle "Zum ersten Mal verliebt" ("In love for the first time") is of course one of the worst title translations I've ever seen, surpassing even the other two. Yes, they had already used the classic "Fateful Years", but couldn't they at least have put something with "hard times"? Also note that the sub-subtitle promises two novels in one volume.

Then I wanted to read the Emily books. They had also been published as North-Sea holiday-books, but were even rarer to find. I had bought and read the third on another North-Sea-holiday, but I couldn't warm up to characters who had a history I didn't know. The first one has been out of print for so long that it's quite expensive as a collectible. So I used this new thing, The Internet, and bought it in English. It was a mind-blowing experience and I was like "Never ever will I go back to those dated sentimental translations!" In fact I only keep the German editions because of their covers. They may sometimes forget it's set in the 1900s, but I still think they're pretty.

So I went online again and ordered the Anne and Emily books in English. It was then that I discovered, there was another book of the Anne-Series, I hadn't known about. This was in 2010, and Rainbow Valley was never translated into German until 2013. It's rare to find a sequel written by a dead author, but this is the only case where it happened to me twice.

Now, remember the German Paperbacks always contained two volumes. To disguise the fact that Rainbow Valley was missing, Rilla of Ingleside had been chopped in half, and has actually been sold as two separate novels in the past. I later bought one of these in a library jumble-sale, just as a curiosity. I've also come to appreciate that English publishers don't waste our space in the shelves. The blue book has half the content of the purple and is nearly twice its size!

By the way, the Emily series did not get chopped apart, but you can see the red label on the back of "Emily in Blair Water", which passes it off as a double volume.

I had already noticed that the German translations were strongly sentimental, but what's worse, they're also incomplete. Anne of Green Gables and of Avonlea are all right, but the lady who took over then (some time in the 1980s) had her own ideas. There were several scenes cut, for what I can only guess was considered inappropriate content. Among other things, all references to men wearing female hats or other female clothing were removed (of which there are surprisingly many). What's worse, the translator even added some dialogues of her own, usually in romantic scenes, to make them more kitschy.

There have been some signs of improvement in recent years. Rainbow Valley was finally translated in 2013. There are also new translations of the first two books, which I'm reading at the moment as a e-books. I like that it's fun and modern, but sometimes so eager to write something new, that it's not exactly the meaning of the English text any more. But I'm sure readers who happen not to have studied History and English won't mind. I guess it will be some more decades until the copyright expires for the volumes which really need a retranslation.

Well, and then I became an art historian, specializing in ceiling painting and book history. If you really want to know a book, read it in several editions. You'll be surprised about the things you'll find!

[misc-obeyme]

THE THREADS THAT BIND

CHAPTER EIGHT

MASTERPOST for summary/info/chapter list

a/n: This is by far the most OC heavy chapter. I feel the need to mention here that Arsenios has a very casual way of speaking, which is why he sometimes calls Barbatos "Barb." They've been friends for a long time so that's why Barbatos allows it lol. Anyway, I actually have a bonus chapter that I'll be posting tomorrow, then it's back to the regular schedule on Wednesday. (Also this is the chapter I've been most nervous to post because of the whole OC thing lol. I almost didn't put him in this story at all.)

GN!MC x Barbatos | word count 1,407

Warnings: demon OC but otherwise nothing

You sat at a table on a balcony overlooking the gardens at the castle. There was a lovely spread of tea and pastries before you. On one side of you sat Barbatos, calm as ever. On your other side, sat Arsenios.

He was not in his RAD uniform, instead wearing black slacks and a grey button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up. This had caused you to notice the two black tattoos on the back of both of his hands. They looked like pact marks, circular in shape and filled with cryptic looking writing. His hair was in a thick braid that hung over his shoulder, revealing the silver piercings in his ears.

Barbatos had invited Arsenios over for tea on purpose. You weren't sure why because Barbatos wouldn't exactly tell you, but you highly suspected it had something to do with finding the sorcerer.

Arsenios had turned out to be extremely friendly so far. You had talked to him in class a few times before, but you hadn't really gotten to know him at all. He had always been polite to you, but he seemed to be friends with Barbatos. He was more relaxed and a little more open. You were surprised when he started discussing the tea blend with Barbatos. It was clearly something he knew about and you wondered if this was how they became friends.

Eventually, Arsenios set down his teacup and folded his arms. He looked across the table at Barbatos. "All right," he said. "This has been really nice. It's been a while since I've been here to have tea with you. But I know that's not what this is about. So what do you want, Barb?"

Barbatos chuckled. "You must forgive me, Arsenios, but I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what I've invited you here to ask about."

"You wanna know more about Tobias," Arsenios said. "But I don't know anything about him beyond what I already told you."

"The current predicament we face is that the spell was partly written by the sorcerer himself," Barbatos said. "And therefore the counter curse is also unique to him. However, we have not been able to locate him. Solomon has stated that he has a spell hiding his location from any magic that would trace him."

Arsenios leaned forward and put his arms on the table. "So you think I know where he is because he summoned me."

"I realize he may not have summoned you to his current location," Barbatos said. "But perhaps, if it is close enough, we can find him from there."

"Yeah, about that," Arsenios said, rubbing the back of his head in a sheepish gesture. "I may have followed him after I refused to make a pact with him."

"Hmm," Barbatos said. "Now why would you do that?"

Arsenios folded his arms and huffed. "It was suspicious, okay? I didn't like that this guy was trying to use me. I wanted to know who he really was. He's powerful, but he's still new to this sorcerer stuff. He didn't even suspect that I was following him. He led me right to his house."

Barbatos watched Arsenios carefully. "Then it would be a small matter for you to return to his home, would it not?"

Arsenios frowned. "You want me to go?"

"I would take care of it myself, but I cannot risk endangering MC and they would need to come with me due to this curse," Barbatos said.

"I can't exactly travel to the human world any time I want," Arsenios said.

Barbatos nodded. "I could send you, of course, but I do think it would be beneficial for you and Solomon to work together on this."

Arsenios stared at Barbatos for a moment. "You want me to go with Solomon?"

Barbatos smiled. "Solomon can transport you there. You will be able to use your song should Tobias be at home. And either way, Solomon will know if the counter curse you locate is the correct one. Would you know it if you found it?"

Arsenios looked at Barbatos carefully for a long moment. Then he sat back in his chair and looked over at you. You held his gaze easily, waiting as his purple and grey eyes seemed to be assessing you. You wondered whether or not he was trying to determine if you were worth the effort.

"Give me a minute to think about it," Arsenios said at last.

Barbatos seemed to be satisfied with that answer. He stood up. "Let me refill this pot," he said, picking up the teapot.

He went just inside, where he had already set up a tea making station. This was so that he wouldn't have to go all the way back to the kitchen, which would certainly have made you sick. But he was far enough away now that you were sure he wouldn't hear anything you said.

"Are those pact marks?" you asked, gesturing to Arsenios's hands.

He spread his hands and looked down at the tops of them. You noticed then that his nails were painted dark grey. "Nah. They're magic circles. They're there for protection."

"Protection against what?" you asked.

Arsenios folded his arms again and looked at you. "Anything. Everything. I'm a music demon. I'm useless without my hands."

"Music demon?" you asked.

"Sure, music's my whole thing," Arsenios said. "I mean, I guess I could get by on my voice alone, but I'd really rather not. It's so much better if I can play instruments, too."

"How do you know Barbatos?" you asked.

Arsenios laughed. "What is this, an interrogation? You're pretty bold for a human. Guess that's what happens when you've lived here for a while. You forget we're all demons, huh?"

You flushed. You realized you were indeed asking questions rapidly, but you weren't being rude about it or anything. "So what? Are you going to eat me?"

Arsenios leaned forward. "What, and face the wrath of Barbatos? Never. Anyway, I don't actually mind answering your questions. It's just funny because most humans hate us, are afraid of us, or want to use us. You're just over here acting like you wanna be friends with everybody."

You folded your arms and frowned. "So what if I do?"

Arsenios put up his hands. "Hey, I'm not trying to be mean. It's cute, that's all."

You blinked at being called cute, but didn't say anything about it.

"Anyway, I met Barbatos a long time ago," Arsenios said. "Back before Lucifer and his brothers showed up. I used to play the piano at a little cafe near the castle. Barbatos was a regular. He would stop in for tea a lot and he always seemed to come at the weirdest times. Things would be quiet, so I would just chat with him. Turns out we both had a lot of opinions about tea."

Barbatos returned to the table partway through Arsenios's reminiscence and put the once again full teapot down on it.

"I began to invite Arrie over to the castle for tea, especially after the cafe closed," Barbatos said. "We have been discussing tea blends regularly ever since."

Arsenios shook his head and laughed softly. "You haven't called me Arrie in years. You're really trying to butter me up today, aren't you?"

Barbatos smiled, sitting back down beside you. "At the moment, you are the only one we can rely on for this. However, I will respect whatever choice you make."

Arsenios looked between Barbatos and you multiple times. "You're really pushing it, you know? First you talk me into attending RAD, now you want me to go deal with some pipsqueak sorcerer with Solomon of all people. If I was anybody else, you would owe me big time."

"I am more than happy to compensa-" Barbatos started to say, but Arsenios cut him off.

"It's fine," Arsenios said. He looked at you again. "I can see what this means to you. I'll do what I can."

Barbatos seemed to relax and you hadn't even realized how tense he had been. "Thank you, Arsenios."

Arsenios poured himself some more tea. You were pleased when the conversation went back to the days before the fall. You liked to hear about what Barbatos was like back then and Arsenios seemed more than happy to tell you all about it. He answered all of your questions, even when Barbatos blushed and protested.

masterpost | chapter one

chapter seven | chapter eight and a half

masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[spacemonkeysalsa]

Her Embrace, Her Tears

Multi-chaptered, fluff, angst, eventually smut

Lae'zel probably didn't need a good excuse, or further motivation, to go to war with Shar. But, she is about to get it anyway.

Five years post game, Dark Justiciar/Mother Superior/Chosen of Shar Shadowheart and (with a few notable exceptions) everyone got their bad endings, in that everyone is still alive, but shitty. Lae'zel is thriving though, aside from her relationship.

Read Chapter One on Ao3

or read Chapter Eleven below

Kith’rak Trysan, like many githyanki who had obtained a position of some substantial responsibility, bore the unmistakable marks of having fought his way there. The man had a number of ill-healed scars, the most prominent of which extended from his left nostril up his cheek and into his elaborately braided hair on the left side of his head.

In early days, Lae’zel had often experienced a sense of frustration as her habits kicked in, compelling her to use formal greetings that invoked Vlaakith’s blessing and name. But she had long since trained herself away from such things. “Adlishar,” she bowed low, “thank you for agreeing to meet with me, esteemed Kith’rak.”

He took her deference with much less disdain and annoyance than she was used to, returning the bow and abandoning his seat, with only the merest glance at Scratch and the gith child, apparently satisfied that they were being quiet and unobtrusive.

“I have heard many stories of Lae’zel of Crèche K’liir. I am here to learn if one in particular is true.”

She appreciated him getting right to business, though it left her with less time to analyze his tone and body language. 

Lae’zel took up an at ease stance, prepared to let him speak without further prompting and listen. It was always a challenge to determine whether or not a githyanki leader appreciated mutual conversation, or the opportunity to lecture. They all thought that their way was the right way, but in any case, Lae’zel knew full well that if the meeting went poorly, it would be entirely her fault, due to his rank and age.

“Did you make and then break a pact with the Archdevil Raphael?”

Trysan demanded, expectation clear in his voice. There was a weariness, but an unmistakable note of hope.

If she had to guess, she would say he didn't believe the rumor, but wanted to. Who had he heard it from? Voss or one of his people? Or one of Raphael’s? “He wasn't an archdevil at the time.” She clarified, but didn't go as far as to admit that his ascension to archdevil might very well be related to their deal, nor did she give the excuse that he had just been a cambion when she knew him, partly because she wasn't entirely sure that was true.

“I see,” Trysan’s brow had lifted slightly, after a moment of processing what she'd said. He overcame any denial with a frown and a scrutinizing glance.

“I have recently been given the opportunity to strike a serious blow against an old enemy. This would be of mutual benefit to our causes. It may not directly injure Vlaakith, but it will certainly destabilize several of her greatest supporters. The archdevil has offered me—”

Intelligently, Lae’zel knew that it would probably be more effective to allow him to finish, and let him feel that he’d said his peace before she shot him down, but almost from the moment he began speaking and she read the eagerness in his voice, she couldn’t bring herself to let it go on. It was far too alarming to hear a situation so like her own dilemma from years ago. Had she been so cocksure? So stubborn?

“Raphael is very persuasive,” Lae’zel at least catered her introduction to something that she thought seemed fairly conciliatory. To begin. “I remember well the way he spoke of our mutual troubles as though destiny had linked us together, even given us one another to fulfill those inaccessible ends. It was all a facade. A deception. He neither represented his aims truthfully, nor did he characterize my own need as anything other than hopeless desperation. It was only later, when I wasn’t so close to the affair, that I could reflect on all we’d done and understand that not only were we lucky to have avoided total destruction through our actions, but that there was always another way.”

“But what if there isn’t?” Trysan seemed entirely unmoved, but also, not surprised by her knee-jerk rejection of the very idea of the deal, without hearing details and without hearing him out. “My situation and yours may well be different enough. It’s only the character of the cambion himself that troubles me.”

“If that’s all he is,” said Lae’zel darkly, she brushed past the guilt in her mind and said, “Raphael is never honest. That is who he is. He uses deception and a heightened sense of fear and need to manipulate those around him. He will make it sound as though there is some hope of fairness, of reciprocity, but he’ll always come away with everything and leave those with whom he deals mired in foolishness and regret.”

Maybe she’d said too much. Trysan’s mouth was a hard line as he regarded her, the flicker in his eye suggested waning respect as he searched her. For a moment, she almost fell into the trap of asking if Raphael had said something about her—had perhaps suggested coming to her to vouch for him. 

She wasn’t sure why he would do that, besides that Trysan looked at her like a gith with expectations attached to this conversation. What had Raphael told him their deal was, exactly? And had he perhaps revealed how and why they had backed out of it at the last minute? She’d always worried what kind of arrangement Raphael might’ve struck with Gale after the insult they’d dealt him, but it would be difficult to get the story from Gale these days. Second hand through someone who had spoken to Raphael recently might be the best she could expect.

“He said you would say something to that effect. Manage to play the victim, though it was you who broke the deal.”

“I regret making the deal more than I regret breaking it,” Lae’zel had been prepared for this argument. “Breaking the deal was a bad option that I chose when I had no good options left. It was the only remaining contingency, once I had not been wise enough to simply refuse him in the first place. He wanted the crown to exalt himself to unimaginable power and scour all of Toril with his wrath.”

“He became an archdevil anyway, so what did refusing him get you?”

That hurt, because there was some truth to the criticism. Lae’zel had no doubt that Raphael’s power would have been much greater, and his coup much more successful, if he’d had access to the power, but one reason why his revenge hadn’t been swift and devastating seemed to be that not receiving the crown hadn’t entirely derailed his plans. So, what had she gotten? An estranged friend turned into a god and more war in the hells, where Karlach was stuck. “Fewer regrets,” she finally answered him, though she was fairly certain she’d paused too long for her answer to have impact.

And it seemed she was correct, because Trysan remained unimpressed.

“If you are considering a deal with Raphael,” she stopped herself before she could say something entirely too hypocritical, but managed to smoothly redirect her words in a way that she believed didn’t give away her last minute mental rewrite, “I would beg you to take my experience, as a fellow child of gith, into account. You do not need allies among the denizens of the hells when your sisters and brothers will aid you. Refuse Raphael as an ally. I will lend you my strength instead, and ask for yours in a cause that will benefit our people.”

Trysan’s skepticism was sharper on his features as he regarded her. Her guts twisted a little. He was going to refuse. On some level, she’d had enough of these encounters to understand intellectually, that it wasn’t a fatal blow to her ego, or to her cause. An ally lost (or never gained) amongst the children of gith was disappointing, to be sure, but she believed so much in the rightness of their cause and in the inevitable uniting a spirit that it represented, that patience did not feel quite so burdensome. Even if the Kith’rak refused her today, he was still a child of gith, and one who had even considered turning away from Vlaakith and towards the trail of light that the comet left behind. That was something.

Emotionally, however, there was still some part of her that felt he was better dead to her. Especially as she knew he was considering a deal with the archdevil. She resisted the urge to turn the encounter in a hostile direction for convenience. Give him a chance to meditate on her words and reflect on her diplomacy and dignity.

She was just about resigned to end the meeting on as respectful a note as possible when she felt a slithering in her throat. A sickening weakness gripped her. For a split second her first thought was that she’d been poisoned. But she’d had nothing to eat or drink yet today. Then she recognized the feeling as something more distinct. Something darkly familiar.

Shar.

She shut her eyes. Was the goddess watching them? Had she discovered where her young chosen had been taken already? Was Shadowheart nearby? How could she have successfully found them so quickly? Her sword arm pulsed, preparing for an attack, from which side, she could not say. She squared her gaze on Trysan, intent to warn him, but noticed his features a little slack, his brilliant golden eyes vacant. On either side of him, his guard looked similarly disinterested. A new thought disturbed Lae’zel, and she turned her head just enough to see the gith child, staring intently at the Kith’rak. Scratch, in turn, was looking at the child, ears dropping, a slight whimper in between panting breaths.

“Well,” Trysan said with an almost imperceptible shrug, his head dropping. “Trusting devils does seem less in keeping with what I know to be effective. Relying on my own people has been discouraging as well, you must understand.”

Was the gith child managing them? Lae’zel swallowed hard, unsure how to proceed. No one else seemed to have picked up on what was happening. “I do,” Lae’zel replied, honestly. “Our people have great strength. Their failings are often characterized by refusing to rely on one another.”

“Historically, this is true,” the kithrak sounded bored, the passion that he’d exhibited, the excitement at the prospect of making a deal with a devil seemed to have faded entirely.

Lae’zel moved to leave so abruptly that the other gith in the room each flicked towards their weapons, and she mentally chastised herself for the small mistake. “I think perhaps your own musings will serve you better than my words, today. Honored Kith’rak. I would encourage you to think on what your decision will be. Would you permit me to return here tomorrow morning?” It was too sudden, too rude to simply cut their meeting short, mere minutes in, but she wasn’t sure what else to do.

And Trysan was already past caring enough to protest. “Yes. That’s fine.” He looked drained, and a little sickly.

Lae’zel motioned for the gith child and Scratch to follow her and tried to leave the basement, and the bookstore, as quickly as possible. The street outside was nearly deserted, and the alleyway behind the festhall seemed like it would be far enough away from people that it would be safe. Lae’zel didn’t explain herself or say anything until she had them alone and entirely out of any sightlines below the rooftops. Scratch kept his distance, watching for them at the mouth of the alley. It was a convenient way to alert them if anyone was coming, but also, Lae’zel couldn’t help but see it as a subtle way that the dog could distance himself. He recognized Shar’s presence as well.

“You cannot do that,” Lae’zel began flatly.

The gith child’s face was warm with shame and fear, a little sweat glistened on his forehead, but to defend himself he said “He was so angry. I thought he might get angrier and… do something.”

Lae’zel paused at that, her plan to lecture him intact, though her approach shifted as she regarded his little face, floating in the depths of her own shadow. “He might’ve,” she conceded. “And that would have been a hassle, but only a hassle. You can trust me to handle a hassle.”

“Isn’t it better if he’s just calm? If he doesn’t feel the anger? He wasn’t going to agree with you, but then, when he wasn’t feeling so much, he could think clearer.” The gith child shrugged.

Even if it wasn’t adroitly made, the argument wasn’t a bad one on its face. All the same, Lae’zel knew better. She shook her head. “It’s very true that strong emotions can interfere with logic and reason. And that sometimes we will make poor decisions, emotionally. We have to be allowed to do that sometimes.”

“But, why?”

“A great many reasons, but as an example… Kith’rak Trysan was indeed, unwilling to listen to me, just now. You pushed him to a place of apathy, where he was more willing to hear me and agree with me. If he and I made an alliance at this point, it would be a tenuous thing. Something I could not trust. Even if he agreed to it right now, he will eventually reconnect with his feelings, and I will have an ally whose heart is not truly with me.”

The gith child frowned at that. “Why does he have to reconnect to his feelings?”

“It’s not something you can prevent. No matter what the Dark Lady says, everyone eventually remembers and feels and regrets.”

The gith child seemed skeptical at that, but his expression softened after a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“You were trying to help,” Lae’zel allowed herself that much consolation. “And that desire to aid me will be useful to both of us. I’m sure you and I will find a great many ways to rely on one another. But, for now, you must refrain from using your abilities to influence those around you.” Again, she felt the indulgence of softness with a touch of revulsion. She wanted to be more firm, to forbid him from ever using the power again. It was from Shar, and nothing good could come from her. But to demand that he deny his nature would be too much. She would be setting them both up for failure.

He nodded, eyes averted, unsure what to do with his little hands.

“That is not to say that you shouldn’t learn to influence others in more conventional ways. In fact, I imagine that a little training in the more mundane methods of negotiation will ultimately make you that much more respectful of the art. In the case of our friend, the Kith’rak, I think you’ll find that allowing him to come to his own conclusion without leading him there by magical compulsion, will ultimately make him a stronger and more reliable ally.”

“Is that why we left?”

“One reason,” Lae’zel admitted, the other reason was that she felt the urge to get the gith child out of that room as quickly as possible, so he wouldn’t do anymore damage. “He’ll have the night to think about what was said. With any luck, in the morning when we meet again, he’ll think it was his own idea to refuse Raphael and rely on our collective strength instead of an infernal pact. And, he’ll be right. In part.”

“Why is that better?” the gith child frowned and Lae’zel couldn’t help but mirror the expression.

“Why is it better for him to have his own ideas? To make his own decisions?” Lae’zel clarified the question and the gith child nodded. She was rarely forced to answer a question so basic, but it only took her a moment to gather her thoughts. “While it may be true that individuals are capable of independent mistakes and calamity, I have time and time again seen the inescapable tragedy of relying on the will of someone supposedly greater. Vlaakith and other unworthy gods, friends and lovers, even the most trustworthy of leaders. It is too simple and too wholly destructive to always rely entirely on the merits and dreams of those you admire and follow. You must have your own inner guidance. You will be your own ally, in the end, the longest acquaintance  of your existence. And you must make yourself a reliable ally in your own right. That means exercising and cherishing your will, severed from a mooring force.”

She could see that he didn’t understand. But he was listening. He was trying. He was five.

“I think you’ll understand better as you make such choices yourself,” she added, unsure whether or not that was a helpful addendum.

“...can I have something to eat?”

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Hi BPP! Do you think the backlash to Set Me Free Pt2 is going to negatively impact Jimin’s solo career at all? I knew antis were going to bark, but I’m honestly taken aback by how widespread the hate is, to the point it’s making it back to the people who worked with him. I’m also seeing streams and sales drop a bit more than I was expecting. Now looking at places like Reddit, the hype for his album has really dropped. That’s probably a terrible place to gauge reaction, but it does have me a bit worried. I know the negativity for like Dynamite was really bad, but that was a song catered to the GP with the entire weight of all of ARMY behind it, and Jimin definitely doesn’t have that, so I’m worried this negativity will actually impact him. (The song is a straight up masterpiece to me btw, my sincerest hope is that he gets some critical recognition for it, or recognition from opinions he cares about. I really want to see him keep experimenting with music like this and to know how much so many of us love it!)

***

Hi Anon,

This is the last ask I'll respond to on this topic, because though I don't share the same fear, I recognize many of you feel nervous right now for understandable reasons and I don't want to dismiss your concerns outright.

Story time.

D-2 by Agust D was released on May 22, 2020. Right away the mixtape was a hit in the fandom and most ARMYs (not all, it's a solo project after all) supported it. As soon as it was released, k-pop stans went to work and I honestly found it amusing how methodical they were: they started from the top of the tracklist to the bottom - they first claimed Moonlight was plagiarized, the accusation didn't stick; then they claimed Daechwita was plagiarized, that too didn't stick. Then they got to the third track What Do You Think, and they hit the jackpot. You see, the initial recording of WDYT included a sampled excerpt of Jim Jones' speech, and once that was discovered, it was like hate bomb went off lol. The hate, ridicule, and bad faith was so intense and so widespread, I recall many ARMYs had to deactivate their accounts. Before long, k-pop stans were claiming Yoongi had told an insider that he wanted to kill black people and queer Korean people...

Anyway the point is, the backlash on Yoongi was swift, brutal, and harsh, understandably. Jim Jones has been sampled several times in music, in fact Post Malone put out an album around that time that explicitly referenced Jonestown, and it's very likely Yoongi or the people in his team were inspired by Post Malone's album and sought to include a similar feel and connection in his mixtape. In fact Agust D's Set Me Free directly pulls sonically from the album. But as with all things k-pop, cultural references get lost in translation and the weight of that decision was significant in the aftermath. BigHit released a statement and apology, and the song was re-released without the sample.

Now we're in March 2023, do you think this event negatively affected Yoongi's solo projects and career? Perhaps it did, k-pop stans still fume that Yoongi never apologized nor accepted blame for it, but by the end of 2020 I saw no indication Yoongi had been worse off for it. Partly because of ARMYs' support, but mostly because k-pop stans had gotten their pound of flesh with a humbling and an apology, and had moved on to the next target for critical discourse (which funnily enough was Dynamite by BTS).

It sounds crude and cynical to say it like this, and it's possible I could be wrong, but I've observed this pattern too many times over too many years for me to think otherwise.

Hopefully I don't have to say this more than once, but please listen when I tell you that so long as a project comes from a BTS member, the default inclination of most k-pop stans is to hate it. Nearly all the hate you're seeing for Jimin's Set Me Free Pt 2 was nearly guaranteed to begin with, the autotune just made it easy as the excuse. I mean, there's a whole subset of k-pop fandoms who believe he can't sing despite years of proof to the contrary. Since 2018 (precisely after BTS was awarded the Cultural Order of Merit award), the best case scenario from k-pop stans towards music released by BTS, is for them to ignore it. If you're expecting any other reaction from k-pop stans besides avoidance or hate, you're hoping for too much. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal, but I do think you need to calibrate your expectations to the reality of the environment you're in. It's one reason ARMYs are so fervent in their support of BTS.

There are differences between Yoongi's case and Jimin's. Firstly, Yoongi was already a respected producer outside of traditional k-pop and had avenues besides idol music to further that work, while Jimin appears to want to operate as a k-pop idol firmly within this system which requires winning over and maintaining the support of k-pop stans. So in a nutshell, Jimin is more exposed to the fickleness of k-pop stans than Yoongi is, but at the same time, Jimin does appear to have a larger committed base of solo fans than Yoongi, so let's say most of that risk cancels out for now.

The solo era also complicates things because the biggest antis of the members, are akgaes of other members. In Chapter 2 the support for each member from the fandom is more fractured now, that's true. But I think going by Jimin's case at least, the core of the fandom is still firmly supportive of their projects.

If you're still concerned, what can you do?

Remember that a lot of what you see online doesn't translate into real life. As an example, when a portion of RUN BTS (the song) was leaked last year, k-pop fans were tearing it down, saying it sounded like crap and was autotuned to death. By the end of 2022, k-pop stans were saying RUN BTS should have been the title track for Proof, that it was one of the best songs released by BTS and the song showed up in multiple stans' Spotify Wrapped...

Remember that most of these people hate as a hobby and are content to simply kick up a stink before moving on to the next thing. And in k-pop that typically happens in a matter of weeks.

Remember that your own view ultimately matters most. How do you feel about Set Me Free Pt 2? What do you like and dislike about it? How do you feel about the ideas Jimin is communicating in his song? I've said before that hate is contagious. All it does is inspire more of the same. You can counteract that spread by focusing on the music and the artist. Celebrate Jimin and the bits about him and his music that you love. Joy is infectious too, and if you're feeling his sound, people will notice. And more importantly, you'll be happier and less worried.

Like with previous solo releases, ARMYs might hit or miss their goals. There's a lot about the charts that have changed since 2021, leaving a lot of it up to chance, unfortunately. I suggest you focus on doing your part. The fandom isn't trying to sabotage Jimin, and Jimin is not releasing music to get specific chart placements to begin with. ARMYs will support as best they can, panic-buy at the last minute (lol), and Jimin will still succeed regardless of the outcome. He has already made his mark. I'm not saying this to placate you, that's what I genuinely think.

If you'd like more gp support, then share his music with those around you. Jimin's a great artist and I'm convinced anyone who listens to him without prejudice will be intrigued at the very least. They might not like his sound or his voice, but he will leave an impression. Your enthusiasm will too. And many times that's more than enough.

*

With Like Crazy's release this Friday, if it's a conventional pop track, expect a rebound in reactions from k-pop stans. I expect many to say things like 'he should've released this first' or something to that effect. That too has a playbook but I've rambled enough already.

What I'm trying to say is, Jimin isn't new to hate. Unfortunately, I suspect he knows, more than anyone else, the backlash he was likely to receive putting out a song like that. And that makes the song all the more powerful and perfect in my mind. In my initial review of Set Me Free Pt 2 I said I wasn't going to talk about the lyrics and message, and I still won't. All I'll say is I think it's a good idea to take Jimin seriously. There's nothing to be gained fretting about k-pop stans, focus instead on Jimin. He's worked too hard and already done such a phenomenal job, for any of us to be distracted by something as inconsequential as k-pop stan chatter.

It's only March. We still have the rest of the year and further out to leave an impact with his music.

In my opinion.

[psychologeek]

is your cass 3 years old? genuine question bc she has never sounded like that, she struggles with complex words and long sentences but she doesn't baby talk or get words wrong like that

I assume you mean in this post

First of all - thanks for asking! Feel free to ask any other questions here or a comment on fic.

Second - No, my Cass isn't 3 yo.

I'm talking about Cass from my fanfic (the first chapter has an extended version for clarification, as I understand pre-verbal communication is heard to understand).

Psychology, Language, and development

Cass was raised as a weapon, and wasn't allowed to speak as a child¹ - wich had a massive impact on the way her thinking and communication has developed².

She was also isolated, and only learned the concept of language at the age of ~8/9³ (with Jason). First by using signs⁴ (ASL, spesificly), and later starting speech - though she STILL struggles with pronunciations⁵.

According to canon, when she was about (17? 18?), a fight with a magical/alien made her "understand language".

But I take canon and think about the implications. I especially consider it as Cass is a very visual/kinetic thinker. She think in pictures and movements.

What adding words for this would do? And what "understanding language" even means?

My personal answer to that, was "sort of an auto-reader you can't turn off", and a LOT of overstimulation. Because it's too much.

This doesn't change much. It DOES mean Cass need to take time off, to understand what happened. It's also not a good thing.

(This isn't a magical fix-it, and I made sure to make it very clear it has serious issues, most importantly Cass didn't want/needed a "cure", as they aren't broken. There's nothing to fix.)

Cass still prefer using non-verbal communication, like AAC app, emojis, Jestas, ASL, body language, etc.

And the family is. Mostly okay with it.

Also, Cass is autistic. Like me. And some of this experience is based on my personal experience. For example, sometimes I struggle with speaking. I have sensory issues. My thinking is very visual. When I'm overwhelmed, I need small and simple sentences.

I hope that it helps 🤠

~

1. Can be seen in chapter 1 ("A weapon"). This part was inspired/research by comparing to articles and development of children who grew up in extreme abuse and neglect (for example, "Jenny").

2. For example, self-identifing as a weapon (not a person). Understanding few words (come, stay) but not being able to speak, or understand speech. Think about the way dogs may understand some commands/words, but not a fairytale. Let me be clear - this refers to any kind of organised language, including verbal, signed, other kind of visual, tactile, etc. The issue here isn't the "not learn to speak". Many CoDA grow up perfectly fine and healthy and well. The issue here is the lack of any way to make sense of her caos.

3. Not growing up with language means that her experience and personal narrative are. Not sorted that way. A series of incoherent photos and scents. This was partly inspired by (I study psychology, I focus on trauma, there's. A lot.) and Helen Keller's story. Even before Anne, she had home signs and was able to partly communicate with some people. But she was hearing until 19 months, and therefore had 19 months of language (including several spoken words).

4. This part in the fic was inspired, again, by Helen Keller. Especially her description of what it was like to understand there's such thing as language:

I stood still, my whole attention fixed upon the motions of her fingers. Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten—a thrill of returning thought; and somehow the mystery of language was revealed to me. I knew then that w-a-t-e-r meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand. The living word awakened my soul, gave it light, hope, set it free!

(from Keller's autobiography "The Story of My Life")

(Also Jason's "food is love language". Something about sharing when you have little. Something about kindness and trust.)

5. Speech is hard. Like, there's a REASON so many ppl need speech therapy. Speech patterns ("native language", grammar) are all getting set by the age of 7. Do you speak another language? How old were you when you learned it? How close it is to your first language? How well do you speak it?

[airi-p4]

JATP AU: Everlasting musical connection - Chapter 4

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Epilogue … 

Julie and the Phantoms x Lukanette AU

(Sorry for the incoming little rant)

I'm a bit mad tbh because I wrote this before we had any leaks or information about S5 and now it looks like the 'red moon' and Felix are a canon reference when they're NOT. But I guess it's partly my fault for not posting this earlier... *sigh*

Anyway- This story will be finished! Idk when but it will! Thank you for your patience.

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TW: check AO3 for the tags ( !!! )

Chapter summary:

Marinette refuses to accept the Phantoms imminent crossing over, and decides to face the only one who may know a way to help them: the magician ghost Felix- their enemy.

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AO3

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CHAPTER 4

While the ghosts were busy at the cemetery, Marinette snuck out of high school to go to Paris' Ghost club. She had only heard about the exclusive club from the Phantoms and rumors, and she had no idea how to find it… but the Internet tricks Alya taught her some time ago did the rest of the job.

Felix wasn't lying when he said the doors would be exceptionally opened for her anytime. She would have never imagined going straight to the enemy's headquarters and exposing herself to such danger.

The girl had already confronted the centuries old magician ghost once and knew too well how dangerous he was. She had to be cautious- he knew a great amount of tricks. She stepped in, carefully at first, but soon brought her courage afloat after remembering her mission had a time limit.

Just a few more hours.

She had no time to lose.

“Felix! Show yourself! I know you’re here!” she called loudly.

“Oh, my my… look who's here: Marinette Dupain-Cheng…” a voice said from the shadows. The teenager got shivers, but remained courageous, standing tall. “To think you would visit me… Aren’t you scared I may possess your body like I did with your blond pathetic friend?”

“I know how to kick you out now! I’m not scared of you!” she yelled, and his evil laugh interrupted. Within a blink, he appeared in front of her and she gasped. “I’m- I’m not scared of you!” she repeated.

“Yet you’re here, trembling like a newborn puppy…” Felix laughed, amused by her fears. The sound of his slow steps walking in circles around her was keeping her alert. “How desperate you must be for your ‘Phantoms’ if you’ve come to me in order to save them…”

“Shut up!" She recomposed at the mention of her friends "I know there has to be a way! A way so they don’t have to cross over! Or maybe that they can come back to life!”

“Oh, innocent child… Don’t you think I’d have already done that myself if there was a way?”  His laugh echoed in the club, giving her goosebumps.

“I know you keep secrets. And I know you’re good at hiding them. But your powers are not only for evil. And music! Music has to be the reason you’re still aliv- well, not completely dead.”

“Haha… Very funny…" A few claps followed ironically. "You did well figuring out this much… Hmmm... What would you say if I told you there’s a way for them to come back to life?” he tempted her in a hum.

“Is there!?"

“Oh, so you’re interested, huh?” He smirked evilly and Marinette remembered he wasn't going to give her what she wanted for free. She knew him.

“What’s the deal?” she demanded, looking straight in his eyes.

“An exchange." He paused in front of her, close. "Your soul. Your life for theirs. How does that sound?”

She paused for a second, out of the shock, and before her voice left her throat she was interrupted by three newcomers.

“NEVER!" they yelled. Marinette's eyes opened big.

“Luka! Guys! Why are you here!?”

“Oh, c’mon Marinette, we know you. We’ve been together for a while now.” Juleka winked. "You can't fool us."

“We’ve actually followed you here and eavesdropped a bit…” Ivan innocently confessed.

“Don’t tell her, Ivan! I was trying to act cool and steal the show!”

“Oops, my bad-”

“Anyway- No one is taking away Marinette’s life. That’s out of the question. We’ll cross over and Marinette will be an amazing singer on her own- or with her new band or whatever she chooses to do with her outstanding talent.” Luka stepped in between Marinette and Felix, pushing him and raising a protective arm in front of her. Marinette's eyes glowed and teared up at him.

“Are you sure you want to cross over while I’m still around? I could try to harm her anytime… Try to figure out her connection with spirits… Or maybe a fatal accident could bring her talent here, to me. Maybe she would agree to remain in my club for all eternity, unlike you...”

“Don’t you dare!” Felix's threat enraged Luka. "Touch her and I'm killing you!"

“Luka…” Marinette blushed, moved.

“Yeah. It seems our last warning wasn’t enough... Let’s kill this ghost.” Juleka jumped closer, fists clenched.

“I wish so too, but guys: we can’t kill him. He’s already dead!” Ivan pointed out and Felix's smile widened.

“You’re not helping, Ivan!” The bassist glared. “And I'm not giving up just like that! There has to be a way to stop him for good!” Her nails sank deeper in her palms.

“There might be a way,” a familiar voice that sounded weak and sweet interrupted, appearing from upstairs.

“Rose!? You were ok!?” Juleka ran towards her beloved ghost, holding her hands tenderly.

“I heard your voice, Juleka, and I rushed here despite the jolts of Felix’s attachment spell." She smiled weakly and it brought Juleka to the verge of tears.

“You fool! I’m so happy to see you…” She hugged her.

“Me, too.” Rose pulled her closer, enjoying the warmth.

“Oh, what a sweet moment…" Felix hummed. "Too bad it won't last long…" His eyes turned red and the blond girl gasped. "Rose. I own your soul and you disobeyed me. You’re going to disappear now-” His fingers were about to snap, but Juleka jumped between Rose and Felix.

“No! I won’t let you harm her!”

The next second, Rose pushed Juleka behind her, making her fall to the floor. Felix's destructive thunder followed its path towards the two ghosts and everyone gasped when the blond ghost was hit.

“ROSE! NO!” Juleka cried, crawling to hold her falling body in her arms.

“Juleka, guys, listen…" Rose coughed. "I’m going to disappear soon, but… there’s a way… There’s a way you can stay here. Love and music... The red moon… Join your powers together... Your bond is special- strong. You can do it… you can make a miracle happen...”

"Rose! No!" Juleka cried.

"As for Felix… Take my curse and cast it to him… hurry up… before I disappear… Do it and he'll remain trapped here forever…" Rose whispered to Juleka. She knew the Phantoms were close enough to hear her, too. "Ivan. Do it, please. Only you can. Hold my wrist and take it. Hurry!"

"I- ok!" Ivan did as Rose told him, and a mark appeared on his wrist.

"Good…" She smiled in relief. “Now you have to say the words: ‘Resistance’, pass the curse to his wrist and say ‘Gift.’. The spell will activate then. Will you do it?” Ivan nodded, uncertain. Rose’s voice became weaker. “Thank you… Now I can leave at peace…"

“No, Rose… Don’t leave me…” Juleka begged in tears.

“I’m very happy to have met you, Juleka." Rose smiled weakly at her. "I love you.”

“Rose… I love you… I love you, too…” Some of Juleka's tears fell on Rose's cheeks. The rest fell on the floor through her disappearing skin.

"Don’t hurry up to join me on the other side, ok? Make a miracle happen. I’ll wait for you. Forever…”

"Rose, no!" Juleka cried. "Rose!!'

"Goodbye…" Rose smiled as she turned into hundreds of flying shining golden lights. On the floor, only her unicorn hairpin remained. Juleka picked it up, kissed it, and put it in her hair. Her long bangs now stuck in place, not covering her deathly glaring eyes anymore. Then she took a deep breath and cleaned her tears as she confidently recovered. Her eyes soon glared at Felix with all her wrath.

“Guys- That’s it. I’m killing this man! Are you with me?”

“Juleka, don’t be reckless, you could end up harmed too!” Luka warned, terrified for his sister, Ivan, and Marinette's safety.

“I don’t care! He just killed Rose! I can NEVER forgive him!”

“Juleka!”

Juleka's fierce voice turned into a loud roar, and it made the whole club tremble. Luka tried to hold Marinette, but she lost her balance when she fell through Luka's spiritual arm. Felix's eyes opened wide and before he could even blink, Juleka charged against him, punching his face with all her power. Felix fell on the floor with a face of not believing what was happening.

“What!?” Her bandmates gasped, in awe.

It took Felix a second to react. He touched his face where the punch had landed and checked his fingers; there was blood at the corner of his lip. “How- how is this possible!? You-- injured ME?”

Juleka roared loud, jumped, and tackled Felix, immobilizing him with Ivan's help. “Guys. We can do this.” Juleka's fist clenched again, more confident, ready to attack once more. Some stripes, resembling a tiger, appeared over her skin, on her face and arms.

“You…" Felix looked as if he couldn’t believe it, but seeing how her fist raised he changed his attitude to a self-protective one. “I see… So that’s how it is…” he mumbled. He tilted his head down and half-covered his smile with his hand.

Enraged, Juleka raised her fist and prepared to punch him again. "What's so funny, huh!?" Felix didn't answer.

"Do it now, Ivan! The curse!" Luka yelled.

Ivan took the chance while Felix was immobilized under Juleka to pass him the curse. "Wait. Is that Rose's curse? As if this was going to work…” He smirked. But his smile didn’t last long- wiped off his face when Ivan said the words he learnt from Rose: “Resistance.”. His eyes opened wide, as in realization. “No… No! No please!" He begged, but the mark had already appeared on his wrist. "No…!"

“Gift,” Ivan finished the spell, and the mark blended with his ghost skin. The Phantoms looked at the mark's shine spreading over all his body. A jolt followed and it was proof enough the spell seemed to work. They exchanged relieved looks while Felix curled his body in pain.

"Good. You can't leave this hotel ever again, Felix. Now Marinette will finally be safe," Luka said, looking fondly at Marinette.

"And now… To ensure it even further… I'm going to kill you!" Juleka raised her fist one more time, and Felix's face changed to one of fear.

"No, wait- wait please! I'll tell you what you want to know! There is a way to survive! Just don’t kill me!” the magician begged, coughing from the jolts.

Juleka wasn't stopping. "We’re not falling for this again, Felix!”

“The red moon!" he yelled when Juleka's fist almost touched him. "Tonight! It grants special powers to the spirits! Rose is right! With the right spell, a miracle could happen under the moon!"

“Really?” Marinette stepped closer.

Luka looked at her hopeful eyes in worry. “I’m sorry, Marinette, but I don’t trust him. I don’t think we should risk it…" he said, and Marinette looked back at him in sadness.

“But what if he’s right? What if it’s possible for you to come back to life? Or to stay as you are? Rose said it, too! We have nothing to lose! Let’s try it! Let’s go under the red moonlight and-” the girl insisted, desperate.

“Wait.”

“Juleka?”

The purple-haired ghost roared as she punched the floor just beside the magician's face. He gulped in fear.

“Tell us what’s the spell. If you don’t then…” Her fist rose again and he covered his face with his arms.

“Fine! I’ll tell you!” he finally gave in. “Tonight, under the red moonlight, at 2AM exactly, you have to repeat the magic words, three times: ‘kwamis, release the magic.’ If my theory and Rose’s suspicions are correct, you’ll be able to ask for a wish- a miracle.”

“And how do we know you’re telling us the truth?” Ivan asked.

Felix smirked. “You can’t know, truly. But I have no reason to give you a fake spell. I can’t cast it on my own anyway, since moonlight is needed and I’m now trapped here forever…” He suffered again from the spell.

“Tricking us for revenge sounds like a good reason for lying to me…” Marinette glared.

“Revenge? Against you pitiful souls? Don’t make me laugh.” He smirked evilly, still coughing. “You’re worthless. As pathetic as Rose was…” He touched Rose’s unicorn hairpin for a second and Juleka grabbed his shirt collar.

“DON’T YOU DARE MENTION ROSE EVER AGAIN!” Juleka threatened.

“Hmph- Whatever.” Felix's smirk widened. “You can try the spell or not. But isn’t this your only chance? No one knows if it really works anyway, but you won’t know unless you try. You know what not trying means anyway…”

Juleka growled at him and he shrugged, his fear seemingly gone despite the electric jolts striking again.

“Let him go, Juleka. He’s right,” Luka said, to Marinette’s surprise. “We don’t have much time left, and he’s trapped here forever, whether he's telling the truth or not, our fate is sealed. I can rest in peace knowing he won't be able to harm Marinette.”

“But-” Marinette and Juleka protested.

“We have a concert to go to, right? Let’s forget about Felix and enjoy the last hours we have together.” Luka shrugged with a weak smile. Marinette and Juleka weren’t happy, but ended up following Luka’s lead.

"It's time for you to pay for your sins." Juleka stood up and looked down in absolute disgust at Felix. “Enjoy your solitude for eternity.”

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The ghosts escorted Marinette out of the hotel and they sighed in relief when they reunited outside. Once outside, Luka turned to speak to Marinette.

"Don't you ever do that again, Marinette. Don't expose yourself to danger like that. Especially not for us, when we're already…" The guitarist had an urge to hug her, but he knew he couldn't even touch her. His body language was obvious to his ghost bandmates, though, who smiled sadly at them.

“I'm sorry… I wanted to-" she stopped, not wanting to be scolded again when the count on their wrists kept going down. "You’re the best friends I could ever have,” Marinette thanked them.

“You’re our treasure, Marinette.” Luka gave her his sweetest smile and she blushed.

If he wasn't a ghost, he would have probably leaned down to kiss her, had she allowed him, of course. But he knew better. Both of them knew better. They belonged to different worlds, despite their connection being so real...

*cof cof*

The pair turned to Juleka and realized they had been staring at each other's eyes for too long. Ivan looked away, slightly blushing, and Marinette panicked a bit. Luka smiled at her cuteness before taking the lead again.

“Ok, let’s go! We can't be late to our last concert tonight!”

“Hell yeah! I’m on fire!” Juleka exclaimed.

"Have you decided yet which song we're performing?" Ivan asked, stretching his wrists.

"I have," Marinette interrupted. "I know exactly which one song we should perform." She grinned and the Phantoms smiled back at her.

"Ok, let's do it!"

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"We're 'Marinette and the Phantoms,' and today was our last concert. Please enjoy our last song: ‘everlasting musical connection’!"

There was evident shock, sadness, and devastated fans at the French Orpheum, but it was soon replaced by the feelings that resonated through the music with the frantic audience.

Their last concert was short, but moreover, it was unforgettable. Epic. Outstanding.

Legendary.

Those were the adjectives the specialized press was already calling it online.

[earlronove]

LIFE ETERNAL & BEYOND

Forevermore has finished and all its chapters have been posted publicly! (You can also purchase an ebook or pdf version of the whole thing together with an additional bonus story!) I wanted to take a moment to talk about it since I don't usually do that and I feel like there is opportunity to discuss what went into this. So, read on if you're curious!

I'm no stranger to supplementary materials with my games. Star Stealing Prince had short stories and two sequels (following both the good and bad endings) as web novels (the total word count for both sequels are over 200,000 words!). All are still readily available for anyone to read and will remain so no matter how old or rushed the writing may be at this point. Both of those were a product of the time they were written and while sometimes I look back and regret I did not give Permanence (the good ending sequel) the attention it sorely needed, I don't think I have it in me to try again.

So, upon saying that, Forevermore was kicking around in my head shortly after I finished Life Eternal. Probably even before. It deals with the necromancer, now named Nezael because I couldn't think of a good way to leave him unnamed (we can imagine the first thing Yorick says upon raising is his name, probably the first to say it in a long time), and his chance meeting with Yorick and how that drew the poor man to becoming a skeleton you find outside his room in the original game.

Originally, he was a riff on the classic Shakespeare line from Hamlet: "Alas, poor Yorick!" because how could I not? But then after much prompting, I added journal entries for the skeletons. That made me think a little more. Why would this skeleton be outside the Necromancer's room? Clearly, a bodyguard then perhaps? Then I added the question the Necromancer asks his lord while cleaning the great hall: "Why the man who had been friendly with me while he still had so much life left in his eyes? […] Perhaps you were jealous of him when he had his skin." All of that finally led to what his journal entry became:

"Yorick was the first skeleton I made all on my own. In his living life, he was a woodsman for the town close to us and I met him while I was gathering herbs for my Lord. I didn't think he'd be my first skeleton, but then my Lord made it so. From his flesh body, I miss his blue eyes the most, I think. Yorick was always kind to me and looked after me when I forgot to do it myself. Sometimes I wonder if it's because he's fully my skeleton and magic compels him to do so, or perhaps he remembers still the friends we'd been in those sunny patches in the forest. In any case, I wish for his companionship back."

By this time, the ideas had truly taken root and I decided I wanted to explore what I had written in the journal entry in Forevermore. It allowed me to also play with Nezael's lord, Carrow (as his name became because it was too awkward using "his lord" all the time) and see how creepy I could make him. People certainly picked up he was not a good guy in Life Eternal, which I was glad about because I worried I was too subtle, and writing this allowed me to explore his character more. Especially in how he changes toward Nezael in the bonus story. It's very deliberate and I hope it comes across as such.

Writing Forevermore, however, changes some of the intent behind the Necromancer's words. He knows why his lord chose Yorick. Such is what happens when ideas shift and adjust between projects. Life Eternal was made in thirty days without much thought of what came after or before. It made for much better drama, however, if Nezael knew exactly why his lord chose Yorick out of the rotting bodies hidden in the forest and so I leaned into it. There is no indication how much time there is between Forevermore and Life Eternal, but that is partly by design. The Necromancer in Life Eternal has clearly gone through a few cycles of raising his lord and going into a slumber afterward, so there's no telling how many times he's done this in the dilapidated tower or how much of it was his own actions or simply those willed by his lord upon giving Nezael his circlet. One regret I have is after reading Forevermore, people might wonder why the heck Nezael would ever raise Carrow. I'm not quite sure of the answer myself yet, but that's why there's an undetermined amount of time between the end of Forevermore and Life Eternal. Please understand, stories grow the more you water them and sometimes, you decide not to prune the bits that don't quite fit because you happen to like how it grew out.

As a result of not quite fitting, part of me does want to go back to readjust some of Life Eternal's dialogue to better reflect the past Forevermore created for the Necromancer, but I'm already treading water with Star Stealing Prince's remake, I don't want to add another game to that list. While I may yet explore the events around the flashbacks and what ultimately breaks Nezael into the Necromancer he becomes in Life Eternal, the game is finished and it will remain so. I COULD always just novelize Life Eternal but I fear since Nezael is literally alone for most of the story, people might find it boring. Something to think about!

Of course, after I finished Forevermore, I still had a few ideas I had not yet explored and there was one more skeleton I had not written about because he came after Yorick. So, that's why there is a bonus story with the compiled ebook and pdf versions of the novella. It was fun to imagine what happens shortly after the novella and before the game, especially to show how Nezael changes from the beginning of Forevermore to where you find him in Life Eternal. There are still flashbacks I could expand upon if I want, but that might be for another time. There are also ideas for what happens after Nezael leaves the tower with the skeletons after Life Eternal and I wouldn't have those ideas if I hadn't decided to write Forevermore and expand on what Yorick meant to Nezael.

In any case, developing stories is a process. Life Eternal came together in 30 days for a jam, but planning the prequel allowed me to dig deeper into the characters I had fashioned as quick as I could. Writing its prequel was a good exercise for me as well as it challenged me to write things I may not write very often (for example, I don’t really do romance, but I wanted that for Nezael and Yorick so chapter 5 was a nice exercise). And most importantly, it's fun to let ideas gradually unfurl in your mind to the point you just have to write more in that world.

I hope you have enjoyed reading Forevermore and also enjoyed playing Life Eternal. Here's hoping for many more projects from me!

[jrow]

Fic year in review

@calaisreno and @raina-at both tagged me (and Raina said some really nice stuff!) so I figure, why not do this? For the record, I’ve stolen Raina’s format ;):

I am pretty happy with my fic output this year. It’s been a busy, stressful one in the non-digital world, and I was very glad to have fandom to unwind in. Things are getting busier and far more stressful in my offline life (work, volunteering I’ve started, young kids, stuff) but keeping some time aside to write/edit is pretty important for my mental health. Sometimes it’s just a couple hundred words a week (with millions of imagined words in my mind) or betaing a few pages, but it’s still very needed.

Total number of completed stories: 5

Total word count: about 110k published, but I know I wrote about 20k of that in 2021. Plus there is probably 10k or so words in WIPs (that may or may not see the light of day)

Fandoms written in: BBC Sherlock

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?: Probably about what I expected. If I had put money on it, I would have said 100k. I’d make the same guess for 2023...

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Depends on the day....potentially Jam, because I’m pretty proud of the epilogue. But I suspect that The Man in the Cartier Frames is the one I’ll reread the most.

Did you take any writing risks this year?: I participated in FTH which was a little nerve-wracking, but it turned out really! I am not sure I would have overcome writer’s block if I didn’t have those pieces to work on. I like a bit of pressure sometimes. In terms of writing, I took fewer risks than I would have liked, but the alternating perspective in Jam certainly felt like a risk.

I also started beta’ing this year, which was a bit of a risk, I suppose. It also worked out really well though. It’s something I think I’m good at. It’s also easy when you are beta’ing for people whose stories you really, really like! And for the record, a co-worker of mine suggested earlier this year that I make an easy shortcut for em-dashes (I use them a lot in my work) and it’s honestly changed my life. It’s why I’m so quick to insert/correct them when beta’ing now! I do love an em-dash.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?: Post at least a part of an AU. So far, all of my posted works have been basically in canon. I have a handful of AUs sketched out or, in two cases, partly written. But, I have a lot more trouble sticking with them. I think it’s the world-building aspect (something both @calaisreno and @raina-at are amazing at!) and fear that what I develop won’t read true. I do a ton of research for all my fics, regardless of when/where they take place (I like to be accurate when I can), but world building is a step beyond researching. The reality is, that (at least some) of the AUs I want to write won’t be as popular as my regular stuff...I am fine with that most of the time, but sometimes there’s a worry you will be writing for no one but yourself (which shouldn’t matter, but some days does ;) )

Most popular story of the year?“ Hmmm...in terms of kudos and general love, it’s definitely The Man with the Cartier Frames. People love parentlock and I do think I write it well (it helps that my kids are good ages to model Rosie). But I got a lot of love and really amazing comments on Blue Plaques too.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I’m not sure anything this year was under-appreciated. Possibly 5mm (a very short (and fluffy established relationship fic), but it’s the third in my That Time of Year series, so I expected small numbers.

Most fun story to write: Blue Plaques. Figuring out a ridiculous mystery that would give the ending I wanted (I knew the solution before I knew anything else), and researching about blue plaques and random spots in London was a ton of fun.

Most unintentionally telling story: Oooohhh. That’d probably be The Man With the Cartier Frames. There is lots of my daughter (M) in Rosie in this story. This includes a freak accident that made my partner (M’s father) an absolute mess at the hospital (that Sherlock sobbing scene was inspired by real life). M was totally fine (I still don’t know how but am so thankful) but that moment was the seed that led to this fic.

Biggest disappointment: Probably that I didn’t post an AU? But honestly, I am not really disappointed with this year’s writing or reception.

Biggest surprise: The engagement I got from some of my favourite authors (including art!!) this year. It’s a real honour when people whose writing you admire start commenting on your stuff. It’s worked the other way too, I have started reading people’s because they comment on my stuff and it ends up being amazing! I was going to tag people here, but I’m afraid of forgetting someone...if you’ve commented on my stuff and you write, I’m probably talking about you!

I’ll nominate anyone who wants to reflect on the past year :).

[fictionadventurer]

Let's go for an obscure one...what can you tell us about Benjamin Harrison?

Benjamin Harrison was the grandson of William Henry Harrison, who got into politics partly to live up to the family legacy, and party out of a sense of duty to live a life of public service. By all accounts, he wasn't a natural politician--his handshake was compared to "a dead fish wrapped in brown paper", and his enemies said that talking to him was "like talking to a hitching post". Political cartoons at the time showed him as a little guy (he was 5'6") dwarfed by his grandfather's hat, and there was a general idea that he couldn't live up to his more famous ancestor's legacy.

But he was also a decent, upstanding guy who was friendly with people he knew well, and who loved kids and dogs. Stories were told about stray dogs that liked him so much that they would try to follow him into his law office.

Harrison was a precursor to some of the things that Teddy Roosevelt later became famous for. He signed the Sherman Anti-Trust Bill that fought against big business, and he was heavily involved in conservation. He created the national forests, and he was the first president who was involved in trying to make conservation laws to save a specific species. He tried (though unsuccessfully) to regulate hunting of fur seals in international waters.

Harrison is the president in the middle of the Grover Cleveland sandwich--his term sat between Cleveland's two separate terms--because the elections at that time were won by narrow margins, thanks to a pretty even split between the two parties and a bunch of newer parties eating into the votes. Both guys were pretty chill about the whole thing. Supposedly, when Cleveland and Harrison were riding together to Harrison's inauguration, Cleveland held his umbrella to protect his victorious opponent from the rain.

When Harrison ran for a second term, his wife died two weeks before the election. After he lost, people sent him condolences about the election and his wife, but Harrison said he barely noticed the election, because that loss was nothing compared to the loss of his wife of nearly forty years.

One last thing: after the Presidential episode about Harrison focused so heavily on him being this boring, upstanding, decent guy, I was very amused to find this speech from him after James Garfield was nominated as presidential candidate at the 1880 Republican Convention.

I am not in very good voice to address the convention. Indiana has been a little noisy within the last hour, and, though the Chairman of this delegation, I forgot myself so much as to abuse my voice. I should not have detained the convention to add any word to what has been said in a spirit of such commendable harmony over this nomination, if it had not been for the over partiality of my friends from Kentucky, which whom we have had a good deal of pleasant intercourse. They insist, sirs, as I am the only defeated candidate for the Presidency on the floor of this convention, having received one vote from some misguided friend from Pennsylvania, who, unfortunately for me, didn't have staying qualities, and dropped out on the next ballot. I want to say to the Ohio delegation that they may carry to their distinguished citizen who has received the nomination at the hands of this convention my encouraging support. I bear him no malice at all. But, Mr. Chairman, I will defer my speeches until the campaign is hot, and then, on every stump in Indiana, and wherever else my voice can help on this great Republican cause to victory I hope to be found.

Let's just say I did not expect Mr. Boring and Straight-Laced to show up with a speech that could be read as, "I lost my voice because I yelled so much at the guys from Kentucky."

[world-smitten]

The Red Sleeve final thoughts

Before I started The Red Sleeve, I knew that it was a tragedy and I knew that there would be an ambivalence within the core relationship. I went in thinking I already had a handle on who, in broadstrokes, Deok-im and Yi-san were, and what they meant to each other. Looking back at my very impulsively written posts about the show, I was proven wrong at every turn.

The Fairy Palace is introduced in a jarring and troubling way, and it never stops feeling a little out of place. I disliked how it twisted Court Lady Jo into a flatter version of herself. And I thought the language used for a group of oppressed women trying to protect themselves in a system where they are objectively property, was disturbing. And yet, somehow, it alomost worked. It's partly a combination of the confident production and Park Ji-young's perfomance, but also because not once does the story treat Court Lady Jo as a jealous shrew. And the Fairy Palace, through Wol-hye, becomes an organisation that has to exist in this particular story, where maids strive to protect their bonds as far as their limited strength will let them. More anachronisms in historical shows should be as intentional as this. I think I would've preferred if Court Lady Jo's main motives were simply to protect the maids from violent masters. And the more I think about Young-hee, the more I'm convinced of that. But I'm so in love with that final confrontation between her and Yeongjo, and so in love with her superhuman will that I don't mind too much. Park Ji-young served, and I ate it up.

I also wrote before that eps 16 & 17 were about pulling apart Deok-im's decision to become Yi-san's concubine. I was so wrong there. If anything, it does the opposite. It affirms Deok-im's decision so thoroughly, and does so with a strange undercurrent of optimism that catches me off-guard each time. The final episode is depressing as hell, but a lot of it is about how Deok-im's life with Yi-san wasn't one long dirge. At one point, they were a family. At one point, she happily cooked an awful meal for him. Even though she never forgot what she had to give up, even though she had to take the King rather than the man she fell in love with, he did still make her happy. I think what pains me the most about Deok-im is her transformation over the series. The way she pulls into herself, the sadness and resignation. It happens so gradually, and I think Lee Se-young is a wizard for pulling it off. I think this is what makes those final episodes so difficult is that in that change, I felt a deep sense of loss. For me, the beauty of the afterlife reunion is how remote she seems initally to Yi-san and the audience. The fixed smile, the cautious, dutiful language that seemed to shape so much of her later interactions with him. But once he chooses her over being King, she opens up to him. Yi-san's talks about eternity like a wish ("may this moment last forever"), and Deok-im, speaking the final words of the story, makes that wish real, as she always had. "And so, this moment became an eternity."

I love Deok-im, especially how the story frames her amongst other women. More than any other drama I've seen so far, The Red Sleeve feels driven entirely by women - doubly impressive given how the story emphasises their structural powerlessness. It's got my favourite ensemble cast of actresses so far. Deok-im is exceptional in some aspects among the court maids. She's resourceful and bold. But she's not the only one with strong wishes & desires. So many women in the story are held up as mirrors to Deok-im, and she to them. Court Jo in her drive, Wol-hye in her desire to protect her friends; Bok-yeon's irreverence, Kyung-hee's fierceness, Young-hee who chooses to live her life the way she wishes, knowing the consequences. Court Lady Seo who instinctively understands why Deok-im rejects the prince. The lonely Queen Dowager who can never leave the palace and who never sees her brother before he dies. All these women were a part of her life and she a part of theirs. Their lives, as small as they were, mattered. A lot of historical fictions (that I've seen) that want to claim feminism go about it in two ways: with a crushing defeatism, or severe anachronisms that straight up lie about womens' lives (this ofc doesn’t refer to fusion sageuks which are very intentional abt their anachronisms). The Red Sleeve never shies away from the realities of its society (Young-hee...) but it emphasises that that they could find happiness. By facing the power inbalance head on, I fell more in love with Deok-im and Yi-san.

Reading all the fun meta about TRS made me realise how many nuances I missed, so when I've gotten over the pain, I'll come back to it. I can't wait to revisit again and again.

[thesketchyheartist]

03/04

Akira (1988)

I thought this was a very mind-boggling film. Throughout the film, the mystery behind Akira still remains an elusive thought, but it had many obvious meanings behind.

Akira in the beginning seemed to be the name of a god, like an all-encompassing deity of creation, or the Universe as an entity. When Kei explains what Akira is to Kaneda, it sounds like Akira is Life, like qi, since Akira is supposed to be an energy everyone has, not just limited and given as a gift to the special. And it would make sense considering how Kiyoko can possess Kei so often, implying Kei may have some strong connection to Kiyoko. Overall, I assumed it meant that all life existing has Akira as a way to exist and to grow from their birth.

In the end, Akira is still a person, but we don't know who. I think there is more to the story, because if Akira used to be a person existing with the kids, then it would not make sense how the powers the kids had were awakened by him. Not to mention, Tetsuo's and the kids' death in the end implied they were still alive, but just not present.

From what I could grasp, this definitely focuses on science ethics. The government wanted to learn about Akira and dedicated its resources to learning about it. Yet, thirty years after WWIII, its country is still in ruins. Adolescents don't take schools seriously, and anti-government riots wreak havoc all over neo-Tokyo. The Parliament is all old men (not a woman, a young person, or a young woman in sight!) who are too busy arguing about getting their own issues solved to even solve one issue. They blame each other for the issues they want to solve, but no one actually seems to solve anything. Some already want to undermine the government, such as the Akira cults. In fact, the Colonel even said as he looked at some Akira cultist dance on a rooftop below, that people like them would be the ones to ruin things, which became partly true after Tetsuo started rampaging. In the end, when the colonel issued a marital law, the government leaders were slowly arrested and tried to run away with money to escape their responsibilities.

Given how it takes place in Japan post-WWIII (that's right it's the third one, which never went into what happened or why, just that Akira is again connected.). Another confusing thing: WWIII took place 31 years before the canon timeline, so it doesn't define the kids' origins. An obvious trademark of the kids' peculiarities are there wrinkled and weak bodies. The gray skin resembles that of a dying person, but their bodies are in the form of children. If Akira was the reason behind WWIII, these kids had to obviously be pretty old. If that was true, how did they awaken their powers? Tetsuo got it because the scientists already knew and awakened it in him.

Finally, why did they do what they did to Tetsuo? I'm guessing since he was injured and a nobody, it would be easy to abduct him, but still suspicious that they did it in front of his friends. Was he just prone to being awakened at any second?

The movie was not bad though. Sad to see that besides the modern technology, the "future" looks just as bad as the present. By the way, it takes place 30 years into the "future", or 2019, and a lot of elements still match what we see today in cities: dirty streets, biker gangs, and underground bars.

One final thing I noticed was the color red. I couldn't tell what it symbolized in the movie but it did pop up a lot. Tetsuo's red cape when his power was supposedly at its peak; Kaneda's red bike and red outfit; the color was very vivid, and I think it might not signify the livelihood of Kaneda's spirit or something because the pink from Tetsuo's bloody transformation was more grotesque.

The animation was pretty good, too. Like the end of the world scene during the explosion. The explosion at the beginning of the movie probably was some sort of foreshadowing to the end of the movie. Maybe Akira "died" and his mind left like Tetsuo's "death" at the end of the movie.

There were more movies after this?

-03/03/24

I only have one midterm and one exam. Yet my life is so chaotic. I somehow managed to sit for 2 hours calmly.

[hotwheelz000]

so apparently I had an account on here named hotWheelz, but um. I can't prove to Rotomblr it's mine due to, ah, extenuating circumstances, so I've been locked out... So! I created this new account instead. Partly because there isn't a whole lot to do in the hospital, and partly because I want to be able to snoop the content on my old account. Might help with... My.... Memories. I've um. I kind of don't really know who I am all that well due to a head injury and some godly fuckery, and said god was apparently too chicken to give it back, saying they ran the risk of doing it wrong. I guess even the god of fucking creation can make mistakes they can't fix.

So, uh, hi! To those who follow my old account, please feel free to share any stories you may have of me! To new people, my name is-- wait I should use an alias, my sister was warning me about online privacy as I registered. Uhhhhhh call me... Rei. Yup. Hello! I'm Rei!

I am a trainer, but like I said, memory loss and hospital, so I don't... Really feel confident listing my team until I've gotten to know them better again. I had a team recently, but, I had to leave a couple of them behind. Some of them didn't want to leave the home they knew. So, for who's with me now, I've got:

Cindy (short for Cinderella) the Typhlosion. He's apparently very unique, according to the hospital staff and my family, which is weird because he seemed like a normal typhlosion before we left. He has been with me from the start of my injury and I've known him since he was a cyndaquil!

Star the Staravia. She decided to come with, and I'm kind of glad, because an accident happened a while back where she inhaled smoke, and it really hurt her lungs. I'm very grateful to keep an eye on her with modern technology.

Biddy the Bibarel. He's super sweet and loves me and everything else in the world, including bath time and battles and especially berries. I'm a little worried about the lack of berry trees growing big and wild, but I've been re-accquainting myself with the world as it is now, and it looks like there's a berry farm where you can pick your own berries? So I think we'll be regular customers!

Lexi the Luxray. He... Originally was just protecting his territory. But I have a feeling he sees me as part of his pride, now, with how he's stuck by my side. It makes me really emotional. He has the best purrs but unfortunately the nurses won't allow him on the hospital bed.

Gods, typing this out was draining. I keep needing to hit each key so carefully... Ugh. I'll take a nap and post later.

[sunkenplacethoughts]

Afrofuturism Blog Post #1

I was excited to start taking this Afrofuturism course during my last quarter at UCLA. I was excited partly because I had taken Professor Due’s class in the previous quarter, The Sunken Place, and partly because I had no idea what Afrofuturism was and knew this would be a great course to get introduced to. In all honesty, I assumed that Afrotursim was a focus on the technological advancements and science-fiction stories surrounding people from the African Diaspora. The first couple of lectures for this class showed me that while that may be a part, there’s so much more involved in Afrofuturism. We looked at various creative works such as Pumzi by Wanuri Kahiu, Janelle Monae’s Dirty Computer, and the animated Black Panther television series. I really enjoyed exploring these works as I had never seen them before, so getting to experience them for the first time while also learning the deep-rooted meanings that connect them to themes of Afrofuturism was really interesting and fulfilling. For instance, I really enjoyed the story of Pumzi and how it was executed. By building a story around the idea of a city that is scarce on necessities like water, Kahiu was able to touch on many important topics and themes such as repression, sacrifice, and the major one of Black women as the savior. I also noticed how Black women as the savior has been a very prevalent theme in Afrofuturism. We can also see it in the work of Monae and Coogler with Dirty Computer and Black Panther. They all center around Black women who end up saving the day or coming up with a solution which I had never thought about until it was brought up multiple times in lectures. This also leads to my next realization of how closely Afrofuturism reflects our society. As I said in the beginning, I really thought it was an acknowledgment of Black innovation but in reality, it’s essentially a way of showing Black history and helping Black people to find connections to their roots. This is especially important as Black culture has only rather recently started to become boosted by mass media and the general public. It makes me think about how great it would be if Afrofuturism was taught more commonly and it may be controversial but I feel that most Black people should have to take or at least be offered courses relating to Afrofuturism. I think creative arts such as music, television, and movies are a great start, but even someone like myself would watch these and not fully understand the history and connections to real-life themes in Black culture. Overall, this first week of the course has broadened my understanding and just leaves me excited to learn more!

[addictiedtocrimedrama]

26 Years - Chapter 1: Prologue (part 1; because Tumblr won't let me post the story as a whole)

Summary: A CMBB AU fic. Jack and Clara haven't told their coworkers a lot of things about their home life and how they have actually known each other for 26 years. First chapter is a bit of a time-line. Please R&R!

A/n: So this chapter is a to the main story. I should let you guys know about a few things before reading; this is fic is based on a whole heap of my head canons, the IRT was never disband, Mac Taylor from CSI: NY is mentioned partly because he's related to Jack (one of my head canons), Karen is not Jack's wife but his sister, Millie and Josie are twins, the characters may seem OOC at times, I added an OC with the surname Garcia but she's in no way related to Penelope Garcia from the mother ship, the program mentioned is something I made up because I didn't really know how to explain how two twelve-year-olds (the OC and someone who will be mentioned later) become official FBI agents and are part of the IRT, the Covid-19 Pandemic never happened/s (oh how I whish I lived in this Alternate Universe), I also de-aged Jack and Clara to fit the time line I made, I got the format and inspiration of this chapter/title from another fic on FanFiction.net called "29 Year", and lastly please don't kill me if it's not a good story this is my first fanfic.

A/n2: WARNING I DON'T ONW CRIMINAL MINDS: BEYOND BORDERS OR ANY OF THE CHARACTER EXPECT FOR THE OC's THEY BELONG TO ERICA MESNER AND CBS.

A/n3: Any and all mistakes are mine.

A/n4: check out part 2 here (this a/n is specifically for Tumblr only)

gif credit goes to @shannyfishwriter bucause it's from their blog where I saved this gif

Jack Garrett is a secretive man. That's how he'd always been. Sure, he sometimes mentions things from his home life, but that's not often and that's how it's been for the last 26 years. The people whom he works with don't know what kind of life he led outside of work or what kind of guy he was. However, there is one exception, and she knows him better than anyone else on the team. Her name is Clara Seger-Garrett. Their colleagues know her as Clara Seger and as far as they know she had just returned from a 2-year bureau sabbatical after the death of her brother. Section Chief Cruz, Emma, and Lisa know about Jack and Clara's situation and private life. Section Chief Cruz knew when he became Jack's partner in 1998. Emma knew all along, even before she joined the team because she is their daughter. And Lisa knew since she stays at their place because her aunt and sisters live in New York and since it is a long drive, she doesn't want to ride the subway because she was still traumatized from a previous time she rode a transit.

Jack was Born Jackson Taylor in 1963. He had an identical twin brother named McCanna "Mac" Llewellyn and a younger sister named Claire who was 3 years younger than him and Mac. Sadly, when he and his brother were 4 months old, a couple by the name of Jeanna and Jason Garrett decided to kidnap little Jack and raise him as their own. Thankfully, in mid-1996 he was reunited with his biological family with the help of his then-fiancée Clara who he met in 1977 at their local high school. Later that year Jack and Clara who were both 26 got married. 1997 Clara gave birth to their first child; a little boy. They decided to name him Ryan Daniel Garrett. In early 1998 Jack and Clara moved to DC and Jack joined the IRT and that's when he met his partner Mateo "Matt" Cruz. The two got along well and that's when he met Clara and the kids. He knew about Jack's life and childhood but kept it a secret as per Jack and Clara's request.

In mid-1998 Clara gave birth to Jack Cade Garrett jr. His middle name was Clara's father's first name. A year later, Jack was made the Unit Chief of the IRT. Clara later joined the IRT herself in early 2002 with Jack's sister Karen to babysit Ryan and Jack jr. when they had a case. In mid-2002 Clara gave birth to twin girls. The eldest girl was named Millicent "Millie" Hope Garrett and the younger girl was named Josephine "Josie" Pearl Garrett. When she had to on maternity leave the then Section Chief Strauss, Jack, and she used the cover that she needed to head back to New York to take care of her mother who just had a stroke to explain her almost three-month absents. Three years later, Clara got promoted to Supervisory Special Agent.